Reasons Why The Jewish High Holidays Are So Early This Year

We Jews are always either really early or really late, and our holidays are no different. Just when the world is getting back to work after-Labor Day, we bid Shalom for a few days to celebrate 5774 (whatever that means). Why is it so early this year? We tell you below

So we can call out “Jewish” to extend Labor Day and summer just a little bit more

Global Warming

When in doubt, just blame Al Gore. No one really knows what global warming is anyway and it sounds right.

A post-summer Yom Kippur fast should happen just as the summer ends

Whether you fasted all day on Yom Kippur or all summer to fit into those trunks, now is the time to eat again!

Having to sit in Temple for 26 hours beginning on Friday, the 13th, makes that day just as unlucky for us as it does the Gentiles!

God wanted to test NYC Jewish girls to see if they’d choose synagogue over Fashion Week

Most will choose Fashion Week. Some will consider temple their runway.

So Jewish NYC mayoral hopeful Anthony Weiner can atone for his sins before the September 10 primary election and possibly have a chance of winning

So we have reason to complain, “OMG, the High Holidays are sooo early this year!”

Though, we are unsure why it really matters. On the topic of complaining, don’t forget to complain that your synagogue is either too hot or too cold.

Apples are cheaper, since they are in season

So we can quickly atone for seeing Miley Cyrus’s performance at the VMA’s

I’ll never get it out of my head, not even during Kol Nidre

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