1. She believed VapoRub was a cure for everything.
3. If you scraped your knee, you could always expect the “Sana, sana” rhyme.
4. Cristina was her version of Oprah…
5. And Walter Mercado was her supreme adviser.
6. Whenever she watched novelas you were given a play by play.
Whether you liked it or not.
9. Because if she ever actually counted to three you were officially fucked.
10. And you would then feel the wrath of the dreaded chancla.
11. When 15 rolled around she was probably more excited about your quinceañera then you were.
14. There was no way you were leaving the house without finishing your chores.
16. Somewhere in your kitchen she hung a picture of La Ultima Cena on the wall.
17. And she always made you save plastic bags so you could put them in a bag with even more plastic bags.
18. You knew to clear the house whenever she put chile on the comal.
20. You never understood how she flipped tortillas without burning her fingertips.
22. She never had the need to buy Tupperware.
23. Her marathon holiday tamaladas led to an all-tamale diet afterward.
Your mother, abuelita, and tias made no less than 2000.