1.
Every time Beyoncé types out her name, she has to google "Pokémon" and then copy/paste the "é".
2.
*points to cheek* and this teardrop tatoo represemts my devotion to water type pokemon
3.
[everyone in the STI clinic glaring at my Pokemon shirt] "No no it means like, I want to catch all the Pokemon"
4.
Cop: Know why I pulled u over? "Speeding?" Cop: Nope. "To have a Pokémon duel?" Cop: [pulls out deck] "IT'S ON" Cop: BRING IT
5.
[Brings date home] O geez did I leave all my rare, holographic Pokemon cards out on my bed again? Guess we'll just have to lay here & battle
6.
Fuck what you say; Walking around with a Kinder Surprise egg filled with spiders DOES make me a Pokémon Master.
7.
If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it's weak enough to enslave.
8.
Fox is evolving, Fox has evolved into Quadfox.
9.
[Pokemon battle] Ash: PIKACHU I CHOOSE YOU! Brock: Did you just say Pikachu? A: Yeah? So? B: Wow. I always thought he was called Pea Cashew.
10.
Officer Johnson, hand in your badge. [He hands it over] haha idiot. Now pokemon over level 40 won't obey you.
11.
[judge looks concerned] "so, u want a divorce because ur wife chose Bulbasaur as her starter Pokemon?" ... "GRANTED" *Bangs gavel 500 times*
12.
INTERVIEWER: what are ur weaknesses ME: most of my pokemon are water type so probably electric or grass I: why are u talking about pokemon
13.
pokemon designers, at some point: just put eyes on a fucking pinecone
14.
My spirit animal is the trainer in every pokemon game who has a team of just magikarps
15.
WIFE: How's our retirement plan doing? ME: Great! WIFE: Let me take a look ME: *frantically googles 'how much are Pokémon cards worth*
16.
Instead of leveling up my Pokémon by making it fight, I empowered it by paying for a college education. Now he *owns* a Pokémon Gym.
17.
why do they always say "fight fire with fire" in the movies and stuff? basic pokémon training renders that pretty ineffective
18.
if you teache a parrot to say "parrot" then is that p much the same thing as owneing a pokemon
19.
HELLO POLICE, MY SON JUST TAUGHT CUT TO A LEGENDARY POKEMON I WANT HIM TRIED AS AN ADULT
20.
Edgar Allan Poe was short for Edgar Allan Pokémon. That "raven" was actually a Nevermore so that's why it kept saying only that.
21.
Pokémon, son? Let me tell you about a man who caught 'em all...twice. *opens up bible* his name? Noah.
22.
"If anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, speak now o-" "He doesn't replant berries in Pokemon!" *organist pukes*