2. You have to be repeatedly assured, in no uncertain terms, that there will not be clowns at the party.
3. Even once you’re told clowns won’t be attending, you dread every second, assuming a clown will still show up.
4. When the inevitable happens, and a clown does show up, children and the elderly are considered suitable weapons to defend yourself.
7. In fact, you don’t understand why everyone seems to think this is a normal profession for grown adults to have.
10. That’s a lie. Being the only normal person in a city populated only by clowns is your greatest nightmare.
12. John Wayne Gacy is all the proof you need that every clown has homicidal tendencies.
15. A small part of you believes clown shoes are so big because they’re concealing weapons.
19. If a clown touches you, every ounce of maturity and decorum flees your body as you shriek and run as fast as humanly possible in the other direction.
- Planned Parenthood officials said they believed Friday's shooting at a Colorado Springs clinic was motivated by opposition to abortion. ›
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