1.
Oi satellite dish, what music you into, pal?
2.
She looked in the mirror and said "I look FAB today"
3.
I've just had a great idea for a children's book.
4.
Who you gonna call?
5.
Cat just chilling in Brockley Sainsbury's. Security tried to remove him. He sauntered straight back in.
6.
*spoons in heap after heap while staring the smug hipster barista directly in the eye*
7.
I hate it when you try to buy a box of Sun-Maid raisins, but accidentally purchase Chairman Mao's Little Red Book.
8.
ed miliband: "any questions?" guy at the back: "SHOW US WHAT YOU'D LOOK LIKE USING A HUGE TOOTHBRUSH"
9.
My new favourite thing is how Bungle looked in the first series of Rainbow.
10.
Mum, that's not a picture of Jesus
11.
I like to leave origami on trains for people to find & keep but write insults in them that they'll never know about
12.
Finally. Somewhere to barbecue my Princess Leia effigy.
13.
Alright bus, no need to show off.
14.
Anti-smoking labels, 2027.
15.
If only bananas had robust, natural, bio-degradable packaging of their own. Some sort of peelable skin, perhaps.
16.
Am fucking sick eh being treated like a mug
17.
Girl (dum dum dum dum) You'll be a
18.
Fuck watching the massive Champions League game. Let's have a look at some dogs.
19.
When your humous says something funny and you just think
20.
A fun game to play, is to text a friend asking where they are, then text them as though you're telling someone else.
21.
Remember when Prince Charles married the bully from Karate Kid? Ah memories.
22.
This trolley appears to be moving all by itself.
23.
Craig David's new material is increasingly dark
24.
It's great how the Eggheads have now been given Gladiator-style names.
25.
Fell asleep in the taxi and none woke me up. Now I'm back at the taxi man's house in Stretford watching take me out
26.
George: What's this? Nurse: Ultrasound machine George: Sounds cool Nurse: It's for looking at babies George: Sell it
27.
Amazing! Photographer captures rare moment of a Londoner being born.