Man Goes Down On 55-stone Girlfriend, Finds Dead Kitten in Folds. (SFW, NSFL)

Brings a whole new meaning to lickin' pussy. Sorry. Via

• MY FELLA WENT DOWN ON ME AND FOUND NEXT DOOR'S MISSING KITTEN!

  

  WHEN Mandy Mountain's latest fella recoiled in horror while giving her oral pleasure, she wondered what on earth was wrong. Only when the ashen-faced bloke emerged from between her thunderous thighs clutching the flattened remains of a KITTEN did she realise this was no ordinary bedroom mishap. The 55-stone blubbergut had earlier SQUASHED the unfortunate mog and its grisly fate only came to light when her beau discovered the pancake-flat cat in her folds of flab. Mandy, 25, revealed: "Poor little Buttons must have suffocated when I rolled over. I never even noticed. "It wasn't even my kitten - I was looking after him for my neighbours. "My boyfriend was going down on me when he shrieked and leapt back, sobbing. "He must have been in there dead for some time, at least three or four hours.  "We gave him a proper burial, and broke the news to my neighbours. But I feel so terrible about it. I can't apologise enough. "And I'm now willing to try anything to lose some weight. This is the wake-up call I needed." But Mandy - real name Amanda Simmons - makes a decent living from being so big. She earns up to £60,000 a year posing for men with a fetish for larger ladies. The 64EE babe from Charleston, West Virginia, has to scoff a staggering 20,000 calories a day in order to maintain her terrifying tonnage. That's the equivalent of 36 Big Mac burgers, or twelve giant pepperoni pizzas - every single day. Mandy's chunky thighs measure an amazing six feet in circumference - the same size as a fully-grown larch. The model explained: "I've never had a real job, but I've always been able to make money modelling. "Men love my buttery lumps and bumps. And I enjoy being worshipped like some sort of massive goddess. "But I also love animals. I'd never even hurt a fly. So to accidentally kill a gorgeous little kitten is too much for me to take. "And my boyfriend Clint's taken it bad too. He's started wetting again." Via