27 People Posing Proudly With Squash

Squash—they’re weirdly shaped and come in many varieties. So do the people that love them.

1. Little Girls

You know this stringy mother is going to get serious play at show-and-tell.

2. Geriatrics

Doug and his zucchini sat on his porch together all summer long, wrinkling in the sun.

3. Young(ish) women

Not pictured: self-esteem.

4. Chefs

Everything, everything was hidden in the zucchini’s squiggly green skin, Evelyne thought. Love, death, God, misery, hope, joy. Life’s little secrets and loudest, chest-beating roars.

5. Guys Who Think They’ve Succeeded Because They’ve Tried

Peter hoped the county fair would have a “Best Personality” award in the zucchini contest this year.

6. Old Men

“Ah yes, but it’s not the size of the zucchini that impresses; rather, it is where I will be putting it.”

7. Brothers and Sisters

Mr. and Mrs. Williams enjoyed parenting, gardening, and forcing their children to stare into the sun.

8. Normal Folk

The Dillsons pose with their enormous zucchini and the many awards that prove to the visitors they’ve never had that they once raised an enormous zucchini.

9. People For Whom Gardening Is Way More Than A Hobby

I can’t bring myself to make fun of this lady because this is so clearly the best day of her life.

10. Wives

Bigger than my husband; not bigger than the gaping hole in our sex life.

11. Intense Kids

He’d show them. He’d show them all. Forget the kids at school. From now on, he would be “John Kratinsky, Squash King.”

12. Less Intense Kids Who Want You To Think They’re Intense

Sometimes a t-shirt is worth a thousand words.

13. Uncles

“Oh, I met your Aunt Edna here back in the summer of ‘93—ain’t that right, Edna.”

14. New Girls

Even Zooey Deschanel is on this squash train.

15. Babies

Distressed, impressed, wondering where the milk comes out of this thing.

16. Bald Men

I wonder how you’d look in one of my wigs…

17. Co-Eds

Well sure, it’s big and yellow—but does it vibrate.

18. Couples

This couple self-identifies as “squash people.” No one is surprised by this information.

19. Priests

This photo has nothing to do with altar boys. Why would you even think that?

20. Women Who Want To Be Mothers

This woman sings lullabies to her butternut squash while thinking: “If you ever try to leave me, I will destroy you.”

21. Actual Mothers

This woman clothes her squash in garments purchased for her son, who is wandering out the back door and on to the train tracks outside.

22. Old Women Who Look Like Aliens Wielding Futuristic Weaponry

Don’t be confused; this woman is not a Salarian.

23. Men Who Have It All, And Know It

I own a feline cat, a .22 caliber rifle, a fine crane shirt, and this handsome assortment of squashes. I want for nothing, and I need no one.

24. Children

Finally, someone gets it.

25. Old Couples

Imaginative description belongs to Damien.

26. Smiling Shirtless Men

This man is a web model who took many shirtless pictures of himself with this same squash. He called the series: “man have a funny fight with a big zucchini squash, snake shaped.”

27. Television Characters

iCarly and friends tell us how Michael grew a giant zucchini.

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