1. “How tall are you?”
How you want to respond: Thanks for asking, Complete Stranger! Do you mind if I ask how much you weigh?
2. “Are you really that tall?”
How you want to respond: No. I was totally lying to you earlier.
3. “How’s the weather up there?”
How you want to respond: Exactly the same as it is a foot below me where you are. Weather does not work like that.
4. “Are your parents tall?”
How you want to respond: Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe why should I tell you my genealogy?
5. “Can you move to the back for this group picture?”
How you want to respond: Stop treating me like a second-class citizen.
6. “Can you wear heels?”
How you want to respond: I have feet, so yes.
7. “How tall is your girlfriend/boyfriend?”
How you want to respond: She/He is exactly their height. What’re the odds?
8. “Can you stand back-to-back?”
How you want to respond: Sure! Let’s inconvenience two people right this minute to satisfy your curiosity.
9. “Stand up straight so I can see how tall you are.”
How you want to respond: That’s more of a command than a question, really. Also no.
10. “Are you a model?”
How you want to respond: This was flattering the first time, but it got really old on the second through one-thousandth time.
11. “Did you get taller?”
How you want to respond: Didju shrink?
12. “Do you have to duck?”
How you want to respond: Until The Man changes this vertically-inaccessible infrastructure, then yes. I lead a hard life.
13. “Can you move? I can’t see.”
How you want to respond: This is legitimately unfortunate for you, but seeing as I can’t shrink on command there’s nothing I can do. Deal with it.
14. “Can you move your seat up a little more?”
How you want to respond: Not without driving my knees through my chest cavity I can’t.
15. “Can you reach that for me?”
How you want to respond: Yes, but if I do this for you, you’re forever indebted to me. Do you really need it that bad, Shrimpy?
16. “Where do you shop?”
How you want to respond: I climb up a beanstalk and browse the big and tall store in the clouds with all the other giants.
And the worst one of all…
- President Obama is one vote away from sealing a historic nuclear deal with Iran after two Democratic senators backed the agreement. ›
- The fingerprints of the main suspect behind last month's deadly Bangkok shrine blast match those found on bomb-making material, Thai police say. ›
- Missouri executed Roderick Nunley Tuesday night for a 1989 rape and murder. It was the state's sixth execution this year, and the nation's 20th. ›