An Argument Against Double Stuf Oreos

They’re terrible. Sorry not sorry.

1. Look, everyone can agree that Oreos are an amazing cookie. But some blasphemous people think that Double Stuf Oreos are better than the original.

2. They are wrong.

Evan-Amos / Creative Commons / Via commons.wikimedia.org

3. Be warned: This debate has ended friendships, but tbh, those friends probably weren’t worth having in the first place.

4. The Oreo is a classic American treat. Your grandpa ate Oreos.

5. It’s a perfect sandwich cookie. The 2:1 cookie to filling ratio* is essential to the Oreo’s success.

Flickr: mihoda / Creative Commons

*Technically the official ratio is 71% to 29%, but in terms of sections it’s a beautiful two cookies to one dab of creme filling.

6. It’s restrained. It’s simple. It’s nostalgic. It’s… Dear god, it’s beautiful.

Nabisco / Via youtube.com

And it’s also delicious, duh.

7. With Double Stuf Oreos, meanwhile, there’s the same amount of cookie and creme. There’s no subtlety.

8. This cookie is gauche as hell.

9. Double Stuf Oreos have no restraint. They are “supersized” cookies, which is not a thing that should exist.

FX Productions

^^^ Double Stuf Oreos personified.

10. They’re too big and bulky to comfortably bite into.

Fuzzy Door Productions / Via youtube.com

11. The new (read: worse) creme-to-cookie ratio totally changes how the cookie interacts with a glass of ice-cold milk. IS NOTHING SACRED?

Nabisco / Via youtube.com

12. And, real talk, Oreo “creme” filling is kinda suspect. What is it, really?

Do you really want more of that inside you? Really?

13. The cookie is also a dirty, filthy liar. There isn’t actually twice as much “stuf.”

Nabisco / Via oreo.tumblr.com

Regluar Oreos don’t promise what they can’t deliver. Regular Oreos are an honest cookie.

14. And doesn’t it bother anyone that “Stuf” is missing an “F?”

Nabisco / Via 973thedawg.com

There must be a reason why they chose to spell it that way — a sinister one, probably. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, NABISCO? WHAT IS “STUF?”

15. Above all, Double Stuf Oreos are evil because they’re horrible trendsetters. When they were invented in 1975, they opened the door that this abomination would walk through decades later.

Mike Mozart / Flickr: jeepersmedia

16. And this evil, evil thing.

Mike Mozart / Flickr: jeepersmedia / Creative Commons

17. And this monstrosity, which is frankly offensive.

Mike Mozart / Flickr: jeepersmedia / Creative Commons

The slippery slope is real, folks.

18. Whoever created these should be in jail.

19. Stick to regular Oreos: the original and the best.

Evan-Amos / en.wikipedia.org / Creative Commons

Moderation is the key to a happy life.

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