27 Things Jews Are Tired Of Hearing On Passover

Can’t we all just agree that matzoh is actually not good?

1. “Happy Passover! Wait. Do you say ‘Happy Passover’?”

Nickelodeon / Via

Yes, yes you can.

ID: 2793244

2. “What’s Passover about again?”

Columbia Pictures / Via

Here’s a Haggadah. Read on.

ID: 2792914

3. “So, is this the one where you fast?”


ID: 2783903

4. “Oh, it’s the one where you can’t have bread?”

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Yes, among many other things.

ID: 2783905

5. “But you can have, like, everything else, right?”

Comedy Central via


More like NOTHING else.

ID: 2793317

6. “Wait, what can’t you eat again?”

Anything with wheat, oats, rye, barley, rice, corn, beans, lentils, peas, soybeans, peanuts, or sesame seeds (to name a few ingredients) is off the table.

ID: 2783908

7. “And how long is it for?”

Eight horrible bread (and more)-less days.

ID: 2783926

8. “Then you get eight days of presents, right? Like Hanukkah.”

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If by present you mean constipation, then yes, yes you do.

ID: 2792904

9. “Oh, well, that’s not that hard. We have to give up something for Lent for 40 days.”

Fox / Via


ID: 2783927

10. “Don’t you drink a lot of wine, though?”

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Have you ever had Manischewitz? ‘Tis hardly wine.

ID: 2783932

11. “You’re so lucky. You get to leave work early!”


I would rather be here.

ID: 2793318

12. “I love matzoh!”

Oh, really? DO YOU?!

ID: 2783934

13. “Can I have a piece of your matzoh?”

Seriously? This is the only thing I have for lunch!

ID: 2783935

14. “Oh, it’s the plain kind? The everything one is really good.”

The everything one is also not kosher for Passover.

ID: 2783937

15. “Can I have a piece of your Bazooka gum?”

Paramount Pictures / Via

Again, this is only thing I have getting me through the day.

ID: 2783941

16. “I haven’t had this in forever!”

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Because who would choose gum that loses its flavor in a matter of seconds?

ID: 2783940

17. “Ugh, the comic’s in Hebrew?”

CBS / Via

Yep. It’s for Passover.

ID: 2783946

18. “What does it say?”


God knows. It has no vowels!

ID: 2788563

19. “You can’t even read Hebrew?”

Not since my Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

ID: 2783952

20. “You’re leaving work early again?! But Dan’s Jewish and he’s not leaving.”

Paramount Pictures / Via

Well, Dan’s actually not that Jewish, seemingly.

ID: 2783954

21. “Why aren’t you having any of Ali’s birthday cake?”

Because it includes the earlier ingredients I mentioned!

ID: 2783971

22. “Want to go get pizza?”



ID: 2788569

23. “Wait, you can’t have pizza?!”

United Artists / Via

Unless Sbarro’s is now serving matzoh, no, I cannot.

ID: 2783994

24. “Why aren’t you coming to after-work drinks?”

Do you know what’s in alcohol?

ID: 2783995

25. “Can I have a piece of your chocolate?”

You’ve already had my matzoh and Bazooka. Why not?

ID: 2783997

26. “Ew. This tastes weird.”



ID: 2788393

27. “What are you doing for Easter?”

Wishing I could eat your chocolate instead of that shit.

ID: 2784003

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