Shocking new research has found that since Jeremy Corbyn, the bearded ultra-leftist firebrand, has taken the lead in the Labour Leadership contest, the British summer has stopped indefinitely. The UK had been enjoying an unprecedented dry spell since the Tory victory in May, the second driest since records began.
In an exclusive interview (see pages 5,6,7,8), Liz Kendall comments that, "voters have sent a very clear message: they like warm weather, and they don't want rain. Already Corbyn is ruining our summer, and if he were to be elected leader it would be just a matter of time before he takes our entire weather system back to the Winter of Discontent. He must be stopped - for the sake of all hard working children and parents."
"My real worry is what are his real plans for British weather?", commented Yvette Cooper.
Andy Burnham urgently contacted us to state, "People say they don't like rain. So rain is something people don't like. I'm willing to not like rain, if you say you don't like it."
Jeremy Corbyn was asked to comment on the allegations that he supports an eternal winter, but was too busy speaking at a meeting of 300 people in an irrelevant and poor part of the North of England.
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