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    The 22 Stages Of Job Hunting.

    If it happens, it happens. And it will probably never happen.

    1. Updating your CV with some bald faced lies to make you sound super fly.

    2. Thinking that you can get any job.

    3. Thinking you can get NO job.

    4. Wondering whether you'd consider a job in HR.

    5. Taking an unnecessary break to tidy your room.

    6. Taking further unnecessary breaks to practise your 'interview smile' in the mirror.

    7. Coming to the crushing realisation that you only have one interview appropriate outfit.

    8. Embracing this fact and looking fierce wearing it to every single interview.

    9. After hundreds of identical interviews responding to the question "Have you ever failed at anything?" with "No, have you?!"

    10. Coming to another crushing realisation: that you DON'T KNOW where you see yourself in five years.

    11. But knowing deep down that in five years you ACTUALLY see yourself captaining a pirate ship/owning a travelling circus/on a beach with a booze-filled coconut.

    12. Lying about a crap job being your dream job to a potential employer.

    13. Realising, when they ask you how early you can start, that you the only thing you want to start is a boxset.

    14. Realising that if you have to say the phrase ‘transferrable skills’, ‘self motivated’ or ‘team player’ one more time, you're going to kill someone.

    15. Cursing yourself for only doing one extra-curricular activity at university.

    16. Doing some frantic mental arithmetic to see how long you could actually last without getting a job.

    17. Beginning to despise every potential employer because they have a job and you don't.

    18. Getting all righteous and superior for not selling your soul to be a corporate robot.

    19. Sobbing about how attractive the idea of being a corporate robot is sounding right now.

    20. Deciding to sell your soul and become said corporate robot.

    21. Throwing a wobbly and vowing never to get a job.

    22. Picking up your crap off the floor, sighing, and returning to your computer to start the whole gruelling process again.