1. You got used to explaining that this isn’t where you went to school.
Sweet, fruity education.
2. You were a jaded commuter by the age of 12.
3. You know how to tie a scarf, which is important because a courant d’air might incapacitate you for life.
4. Life wasn’t worth living if you didn’t have a K-Way.
Pronounced “kaweh” bien sure.
6. Year 9, means nothing to you but CPE is just as confusing.
I was in 4e 2, why is that so complicated?
7. Six words: owls, cabbages, knees, rocks, lice, and toys.
8. It took you years to learn how to write cursive on multi-lined paper.
Only to find that no one understands your curly-wurly handwriting.
9. A piece of buttered baguette with a bar of chocolate was a totally acceptable mid-morning snack.
11. You always ran to see the cantine menu on a Monday morning.
12. It was a place of wonder, where you could have couscous and lamb tagine for lunch.
13. And the first thing you did at lunch was check whether you had the highest number on your glass.
14. In maternelle you were taught songs about stringing up the aristocracy.
15. You grew up believing that Joan of Arc and Napoleon were heroes.
You know that Cromwell is that guy who gave his name to the road in front of the school, but can’t quite remember what he did.
16. Walking down Bute Street almost felt like being in France.
Until you got to Domino’s.
18. 1 September was bigger than 1 January.
Because it’s the RENTREE and you need FOURNITURES! Woe the person who gets their school supplies wrong. It’s a four-colour biro, not four colour biros!
20. Because you worked so hard all week, Wednesdays meant a half-day for everyone.
21. You got used to walking past the bodyguards of minor royals and diplomats.
22. “Meet in the cour for récré after the cantine, yeah?” was a totally acceptable way of speaking.
23. A three-hour P.E. lesson usually meant one hour on a coach, one hour getting changed, and one hour of sport.
24. Sometimes you got to play exotic foreign games, like netball or hockey.
25. Everyone’s relatives lived in a different time zone.
Some of them even lived in war zones.
26. You know at least three swearwords in Arabic.
Because the teachers didn’t.