1. All women in Scotland have red hair: No other hair colours exist.
2. Men only ever wear kilts, regardless of climate, situation, or historical accuracy.
3. Men also spend 80% of their life too drunk to walk.
4. And Scottish women aren't far behind them.
5. There's nothing funnier than a man playing the bagpipes.
6. Nessie is not just real, but unavoidable.
7. You can't leave the house without ending up at the Highland Games.
8. And you can't walk anywhere without sheep getting in the way.
9. Eating haggis is pretty much the most disgusting thing you can do.
10. You can tell a scene is set in Scotland because there's always a beautiful mountain nearby.
11. Which is handy, as the main pastime is looking at the beautiful scenery in a meaningful way.
12. Scots are obsessed with fighting.
13. Especially with other Scots.
14. And any provocation – no matter how minor – will makes Scots put on blue face paint and start screaming about freedom.
