1. The trip is happening. You are designated leader.
Tent, check. Food, check. Booze. CHECK.
2. It’s the night before. You’re so excited, you can’t sleep.
DID I PACK ENOUGH BEER?
3. You dream that your trip is going to be just like a country music video….
….minus all the pesky racism.
4. The roadtrip starts out all fun and games.
….and chex mix, and sunflower seeds, and butterfingers, and coloring books, and slurpees, and Now CD’s, and hugs, and love, and life, and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
5. But things go south, fast. Nobody told you that Gary, Eagle Scout, was coming.
“Folks, we really should have left at 1900 hours.” -Gary, Eagle Scout, Tool
6. Then you hit traffic…..
At least you brought the whole Rod Stewart Standard Hits Collection. Thank God.
7. You arrive, and it’s time to set up the tent.
This is what it is all about, right? The great outdoors.
8. Are you gonna have a fire?
That would require matches, wood, and caveman-like skill….none of which you have readily available.
9. You remembered your straightener and all of your Bare Mineral products….but toothpaste, soap, and firewood slipped your mind.
10. You reach an all time low when you are jealous of the folks at the campsite with the RV.
RV….the only suitcase you can shit in.
11. You give up….and the drinking begins.
If a drunk falls in the woods and no is around to see it….does it make a sound?
12. And creepy Chris conveniently forgot his sleeping bag.
“Them bags are made for two anyway, right?” -Classic Chris
13. And more drinking….
Maybe Creepy Chris isn’t THAT bad.
14. You snuggle up on the boulder that your tent is conveniently perched upon.
15. You doze off and dream about sweet, sweet civilization.
I wonder if I could have gotten AAA points.
16. And who knew the sun came up at 5:30 a.m.?
Because half of your group is usually blacked out by 4.
17. Awake the next day and everyone realizes that too much alcohol was bought, but…..
2 boxes of pop-tarts and a can of spam can only go so far.
18. Everyone hates EVERYone during the last 12 hours.
19. You do a victory dance upon your return to civilization.
You dance for microwaves. You dance for mattresses. But, most of all, you dance for E! Network.
20. You talk shit about everyone on the trip….
21. …until you get to work on Monday.
We soooo need to plan another camping trip. Stat.
- Dylann Roof pleaded not guilty to federal hate crime charges in the Charleston church massacre.
- The World Health Organization says that an interim analysis of a potential Ebola vaccine shows "100% efficacy in individuals."
- Beijing won its bid to host the 2022 Winter Olympics. It's the first city to host both the summer and winter games.