1. You regularly wear a fanny pack.
Hipster: Because hipster kitties need a place to put their casette tapes.
Senior Citizen: Because you don’t need those immigrants sneaking up from behind and robbing you.
3. Your pants of choice are high-waisted.
Hipster: You literally put the hip in hipster.
Senior Citizen: Your pants’ waistline rises an inch after each child you have (*1.5 inches after each grandchild).
7. You rock the comb over.
Senior Citizen: Because… obviously, it keeps you young.
9. You have tons of huge glasses.
Hipster: Because you need a variety of non-prescription glasses… #obvi.
11. You wear clothes from a university that you didn’t attend.
Hipster: Because you don’t have to have a degree to be ironic.
Senior Citizen: Because you are a proud, supportive grandparent!
13. You take a ton of prescription pills.
Senior Citizen: …or at least as many as Medicare will cover.
Hipster: Because that’s how you really should listen to the new Beach House album.
15. Your winter wardrobe is mostly made up of ugly sweaters.
Senior Citizen: Because over seven decades, one can accumulate lots of sweaters.
17. You only listen to tunes on old school headphones.
Senior Citizen: Because if they work, why change ‘em?
Hipster: Because they scream, “I have better taste in music than you do.”
21. You hate pop music.
Senior Citizen: Because you’re probably a tad racist.
23. You always recycle.
Senior Citizen: Because you are a miserly product of the Great Depression.
Hipster: Because recycling is rad, man.
25. You don’t have a job.
Senior Citizen: Because retirement is sweet.