How To Tell If You Are A Senior Citizen Or A Hipster

If any of the following pertain to you, you are a senior citizen….or a hipster, or, God help us all, both.

1. You regularly wear a fanny pack.

Hipster: Because hipster kitties need a place to put their casette tapes.

Senior Citizen: Because you don’t need those immigrants sneaking up from behind and robbing you.

3. Your pants of choice are high-waisted.

Hipster: You literally put the hip in hipster.

Senior Citizen: Your pants’ waistline rises an inch after each child you have (*1.5 inches after each grandchild).

(Or you’re a Republican…

…or a Democrat).

7. You rock the comb over.

Senior Citizen: Because… obviously, it keeps you young.

9. You have tons of huge glasses.

Hipster: Because you need a variety of non-prescription glasses… #obvi.

Senior Citizen: Because nobody can have enough reading glasses.

11. You wear clothes from a university that you didn’t attend.

Hipster: Because you don’t have to have a degree to be ironic.

Senior Citizen: Because you are a proud, supportive grandparent!

13. You take a ton of prescription pills.

Senior Citizen: …or at least as many as Medicare will cover.

Hipster: Because that’s how you really should listen to the new Beach House album.

15. Your winter wardrobe is mostly made up of ugly sweaters.

Senior Citizen: Because over seven decades, one can accumulate lots of sweaters.

Hipster: Because crocheted statements are the most powerful.

17. You only listen to tunes on old school headphones.

Senior Citizen: Because if they work, why change ‘em?

Hipster: Because they scream, “I have better taste in music than you do.”

19. You love lace.

Senior Citizen: Because it’s classic.

Hipster: Because sexy grandma is haute.

21. You hate pop music.

Senior Citizen: Because you’re probably a tad racist.

Hipster: Because other people, well, also like it.

23. You always recycle.

Senior Citizen: Because you are a miserly product of the Great Depression.

Hipster: Because recycling is rad, man.

25. You don’t have a job.

Senior Citizen: Because retirement is sweet.

Hipster: Because working is waaaaay too mainstream.

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