1. Geico Gecko: Most likely to fake a foreign accent to pick up girls.
Are you surprised that he used to be voiced by Kelsey Grammer?
3. Chester Cheetah: Most likely to accumulate 3 felony charges before graduation.
It starts at sunglasses indoors, and ends at a crack house.
The fall from the top is always the hardest.
5. Snap, Crackle, and Pop: Mostly likely to experiment with guys during their first year of college.
Snap, crackle, pop, spank.
6. Butter Maiden: Most likely to get type-casted.
She still doesn’t know why she didn’t get the gig with Domino’s.
7. Morton Salt Girl: Most likely to forget her kids at aftercare.
I’m so silly.
9. Snuggle Detergent Bear: Most likely to have a scary, dark side.
11. Mr. Clean: Most likely to have an affair with a married male Senator…
and talk about it on The View afterwards.
12. Coppertone Girl: Most likely to devirginize the whole high school football defensive line.
…and to have a membership at L.A. Tan.
13. Trix Rabbit: Most likely to hate children.
Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!!!
14. Michelin Man: Most likely to use humor to hide his insecurities…
…and most likely to eat his feelings.
15. Mr. Peanut: Most likely to make you feel bad about yourself through the use of seemingly interminable decadent vocabulary.
Would you plebians like a peanut?
16. Uncle Ben: Most likely to hate his job.
17. Colonel Sanders: Most likely to be a dick to Uncle Ben.
18. Chuck E. Cheese: Most likely to be the only rodent to represent a food company.
There is no trap here.
19. Papa John: Most likely to have 3 illegitimate children with 3 different women before 30….
…and deny that they are his children…He can’t be Papa to everyone!!!
20. Poppin’ Fresh: Most likely to expose himself at an elementary school.
Nothing but a hat, a scarf, and little shame.
21. Dinky: Most likely to not live in Arizona.
“Screw those racists….yo quiero vivir en California.” -Dinky
22. Quaker Oats Man: Most likely to try wearing a fedora…
and look like an ass.
23. Ronald McDonald: Most likely to star in film adaptation of a Stephen King novel.
24. Vlasic Stork: Most likely to always be a bachelor.
25. Energizer Bunny: Most likely to over-dose.
26. Jack in the Box: Most likely to become a sociopath.
27. Burger King: Most likely to give Jack in the Box a run for his money in the creep department.
“Do you want me to super size this?”
28. Kool-Aid Man: Most likely to black out at his Sigma Chi initiation.
CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! OHHHH YEAAAH!
29. Nesquik Bunny: Most likely to be an extra in Space Jam.
Look he’s right there in the crowd!
31. Jared: Most likely to eat his way to the top.
32. Sun Maid: Most likely to become a wino.
I just rescued some wine. It was trapped in a bottle.
33. Green Giant: Most Fashionable…and Best Hair
Green is the new black.
34. M&M: Most likely to become a rapper.
Black on the inside.