11 Obnoxious Statements Men Make : Translated

Getting back into the dating scene has been no picnic, let me tell you. It's made for some fab stories though! I've compiled an (ongoing) list of one-liners, fibs, and a whole lotta BS men say thinking that the female population is either 1.) stupid 2.) doesn't compare notes with other members of the female population or 3.) all of the above

1. He Says: "Please Send Nudes."

thegloss.com / Via thegloss.com

Translation: "I think you'll dish out naughty photos like Mini-Tootsie Rolls or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups at Trick or Treat on Halloween, all I have to do is ask."

Hint: Ladies, respect yourself. Know that whatever you're sending can and will most likely be seen by more than just the person you're sending them to. If you're cool with that, have at it.

2. He Says: " I have absolutely no idea how she got on my top Snap Friends."

Hope Alcocer and my sister pretending to be said Ex-Girlfriend / Via buzzfeed.com

Translation: " I obviously think you, who also have Snapchat, must be dumb enough to not understand how Snapchat works. I snap, you snap, she snaps, we all snap. I'm snapping and opening said snaps enough that my ex has made her way to my top friends. It didn't happen on it's own but I'm going to pretend that there's a magical Snap error or bug in the system causing my ex to make her way to the top."

3. He Says: No I'm not really still married, it's just complicated right now.

Via tumblr.com

Translation: He's still married, he's just not wearing his ring, and they aren't divorced yet. Basically if Carrie Underwood was in the general vicinity she would probably dig her keys into the side of your pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive because congrats, you're most likely still dating a married man.

4. He Says: "I'm not like every other guy."

Translation: If he even has to bring out this cliche one liner, it means he at some point had to try and cover his tracks with concerns you have.

Hint: if he's not like most guys, you'll know that without him needing to clarify.

Actions = speak louder than words, especially cliche one liners from CW's Monday Night Drama.

Another Hint: If you have to question his integrity or motives at any point, he's probably not the guy for you. Your guy in your life should compliment your life, not complicate it.

5. He Says: "I'm over her, really." (yet he refers to her as that evil b**** and/or name drops all the time)

Love Tips & Advice Blog / Via cdn4.gurl.com

Translation: He's either a.) not over her b.) working on getting over her and trying to convince you he's over her by using disrespectful profane names regarding her and/or subconsciously bringing her up to overcompensate for the fact, that he is, in fact, not over her.

Hint: Run.

6. He Says: "Come Here."

Hope Alcocer / Via buzzfeed.com

Translation: He's trying to pretend he's some sub-par version of Christian Grey: appearing dominating yet sexy by demanding you to come to him.

Hint: What you're REALLY looking at here is a guy not willing to put forth some effort and probably just wants a booty call.

7. He Says: "I've been looking for a successful woman who loves her career."

Via wordpress.com

Translation: " I love that you're doing well in your career; I love it so much in fact that I'll let you foot the bill every time. Sugar Mama Ya Know I love ya."

Yah, no thanks.

8. He Says: I don't know how that got in my search history.

thegloss.com / Via thegloss.com

Translation: ...

I won't even waste time on this one. Either he's looking at porn in his sleep (may wanna get him some help for that) or you have a pathological liar on your hands.

9. He Says: I could quit if I wanted to.

Translation: He could quit, but he's chosen not to. He's proven it's not important enough to him to quit because he hasn't and most likely won't.

10. He Says: Oh I'm not on Tinder for the Hookups.

blondie1038.wordpress.com / Via blondie1038.wordpress.com

Translation: "I'm totally on Tinder just for the hookups."

11. He Says: I'm a gentleman.

culturallydisoriented.com / Via culturallydisoriented.com

Translation: "I held open the door for you twice (while staring at your ass thinking you didn't notice), so I think I'm the perfect gentleman."

Yah, no.

Hint: A gentleman isn't JUST defined by one who opens the doors and pulls out a lady's chair when she's about to be seated. A gentleman is a man (notice I said man) who chooses to respect women physically and emotionally day in and day out.

Moral of the story: if you're a true gentleman, none of the items on this list should even apply to you because congrats, you're a real gem in this generation. :)