Words That Should Exist But Don’t

Before, there was never a word to describe the fear of a renegade shopping cart… now there is. posted on

I love words so much that I decided to invent my own, like magic! Seeing as how amazeballs recently made it into the dictionary, I might not be too far off from something legitimate.

Enjoy.

parkanoia [park-uh-noy-uh] (n): when you park a new car miles away from a store entrance to protect it from stray shopping carts and other drivers whose cars are so dented they don’t CARE what they bump.

example: My dad’s parkanoia made appliance shopping very difficult.

dessertion [dez-er-shun] (n): A brief moment when your life flashes before your eyes due to a freak accident, or disaster, where you regret not eating more dessert.

example: As she watched the last lifeboat descend to the ocean’s surface, Meryl was overcome with dessertion and thought, I should have just had the damn brownie.

hailwing [hayl-weeng] (v): When the friend you’re visiting in the city tells you stop trying to hail a cab before you get run over, stupid, and pulls you back from the road and protects you like a goose shielding her young beneath a wing.

example: Amy hailwinged John after he unknowingly tried to flag down a speeding felafel truck.

driftminimus [drift-min-ih-muhs](n): when your tires squeak from turning slightly or starting up a little too fast at a stop sign, giving you a minimal amount of time to pretend you’re in Tokyo Drift sequel.

example: Because my tires are bald, it gets driftminimus every time I turn on to Main Street.

noodlecide [noo-duhl-syde] (n): When you’re boiling pasta and the noodle you want to test gets scared and leaps off the spoon and plummets beneath the burner.

example: A mass noodlecide left Jeremy’s kitchen smelling like torched pasta.

gluttenvy [glut-en-vee] (n): The sweeping bitterness you feel when the food you ordered doesn’t look as good as another diner’s.

example: Gluttenvy looked poor on Gretchen as she eyed the duck bouillabaisse passing on the arm of a disinterested waiter.

greap [grayp] (adj): When something grape flavored actually tastes good.

example: “This grape soda is better than tolerable, it’s greap!”

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