-A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
-A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
-A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
-A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
-A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
-A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
-A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
-A snail can sleep for three years.
After a three year run on Broadway, a movie version of Guys and Dolls opened on this day in 1955. Based on New York journalist Damon Runyon’s colorful portrayals of Broadway gamblers, the big screen version of the story starred Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra.
Thanksgiving is three weeks from today. Now is the time to bring out the comfy pants and prepare them for a stretching. Now is also the time to start thinking about what you’re thankful for. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving is actually a time to give thanks and not just the day you eat until you pop and fall asleep on the couch with your mouth open.
So it’s in the true spirit of Thanksgiving that I mention a few of the things that I am thankful for this year.
What’s on your list?
Nicole Richie checked herself out of Beau Monde in Newport Beach 72 hours after she checked in for help to figure out why she can’t gain weight (I know the answer. And I don’t cost $80,000 a month). So why did she leave, you ask? Because she had more important things to do with her time other than saving her life — she had to go shopping! Because, as we all know, you have to have the perfect outfit to wear while you turn into a skeleton and wait for the knock of death.
I’m not from the Central Valley and I don’t plan to stay here for the rest of my life, so generally the politics around here goes in one ear and out the other. I pay attention enough to know what’s going on, but I don’t put much thought or energy into a reaction. This coming election day, however, that changes. I will NOT be voting for Richard Pombo. I wish I could walk in there and just check a big NO POMBO box, but I will just as happily punch the little square in my ballot.
Two nicely dressed ladies happen to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from the South.
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children the California woman started by saying, “When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me.”
The lady from the South commented, “Well, isn’t that precious?”
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. So, instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy to reach. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now Men…. Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Blindly he haunts me,
killed by poisoned smoke of sacrifice.
Desire bleeds deep red,
and lingers always.
A ghost for eternity.
Quickly through the heart.
When storm clouds boom,
Get out of your room,
And taste the tears of Heaven.
But keep a watchful eye,
On the midnight sky.
For when the lightning flashes,
There’s no escaping.
A dark shadow crawls,
Slowly towards my head.
I try to step away,
But something holds me down.
Every second slower,
Every minute longer,
Yet every day shorter,
Every month faster.
Sitting in the darkness with nowhere to turn,
I find a little candle yearning to burn.
The hope of a flame or even a spark,
Cause all my fears to slow and to park.
I look around at all of the others,
I cry because they are burning but mine won’t bother.
Why does it have to be this way?
I want so much to burn some day.
I’d say she’s about 250 pounds and carries it all in her middle. There are three children with her, all under the age of seven I’m sure. The smallest one sits on her lap, grasping onto the roll of fat just below her breast as he sleeps soundly. She’s looking off into space, I wonder what she’s thinking. I feel sorry for her. She looks poor, on welfare probably. She’s wearing a faded red shirt with the Salvation Army’s logo on it with white letters under it spelling out, I’M LIVING PROOF THE SALVATION ARMY WORKS.
When I was seven, I saw a man get shot in the back of his head. He had no warning. Just a loud bang, and he was hit. He crumpled to the ground in slow motion, his head slumped forward. It almost looked like he was diving, head first into the cold, heartless earth. I just stood there. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even breathe. To this day I don’t know where the bullet came from, nor the identity of its victim. But I know that I was scared. Petrified even. It was like watching an apple fall from a tree, only there was blood — lots of blood.
“You must not tell anyone, dear child, what I am about to tell you.” The child’s left eyebrow peaked as if to say, “Oh I won’t tell.” Knowing full well he would leave this gentle stranger and tell the kid down the street within the hour, who would then tell the kid around the block. All before supper, of course. The gentle stranger smiled and revealed the most perfect white teeth the child had ever seen. With a wink and a sly grin, the child led the gentle stranger to a bench in the cool shade of a great oak. After they sat, the child turned to the gentle stranger and timidly asked, “What is it you would like to tell me?”
Once again we’ve gathered,
preparing for departure.
Up and over, out of sight,
into a whole new rhelm.
Divided we sit,
together we fly.
You in your corner and I in mine,
soon we will be one.
Our soul is energy,
And energy is neither created or destroyed.
Our soul never dies.
The body our soul inhabits was given to us as a gift from God.
What we do with it is our choice.
But if God sees that we are going the wrong way,
He will step in and help.
And when He feels that He needs our help in His kingdom,
He will send for us.
Lust is weakened blood surging through her veins.
She’ll drive it to the brink until it finally shoots her down.
Jane is consumed by her lust.
She’s gonna die one day, and she knows it.
Her weak veins bubble as she watches Joe-Joe fill the needle.
He clicks his nails on the plastic tube and her eardrums quiver.
The deadly liquid swims through her body,
as madness swims through her mind.
Jane’s lust leaves her, subdued by the poison.
1. Most Blues begin, “Woke up this morning…”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town.”
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes…sort of:
“Got a good woman with the Meanest face in town.
Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound.”
The Cold Within
Six human trapped by happenstance
In dark and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story’s told.
Their dying fire in need of logs,
The first woman held hers back,
For on the faces ‘round the fire,
She noticed that one was Black.
While Stephanie Pratt was getting busted for drunk driving, I was getting my ass beat at Scrabble – but I got to sleep on a bed in a real house, and not on a cot in the big house. As if being related to Spencer Pratt and having to appear on the totally scripted reality show The Hills on MTV wasn’t bad enough, Stephanie Pratt now gets to add DUI arrest to her resume. “It was your basic DUI. Our traffic officers driving down the street spotted her and pulled her over,” Sgt. Sal Ogaz tells PEOPLE. “She was cooperative and there were no issues with her arrest.” Police…