14 Things You Always Say You’ll Do At The Beginning Of Every Summer

Ah, summer! The air is rife with hope and promise. And sweat. Lots of sweat.

1. Explore and do everything!!!

Reality: Spend all day on the internet.

Reality: Forever alone…and sweaty.

3. Be adventurous; explore the outdoors.

Reality: Remember that there are bugs and things waiting to devour your flesh.

4. Go to the beach more.

5. Get a nice sun-kissed glow.

6. Reality: Come out of the sun looking like uncooked meat with a side of mayonnaise.

7. Catch up on all those books everyone’s talking about.

Reality: Get a lot of books. Read one or two. Spend the rest of your money on drinks.

8. Go to a summer festival.

Reality: Spend hundreds of dollars to sweat in a giant ball of humans 5 million feet away from the band you actually came to see. With this guy.

9. Get away from work. Go on a real vacation.

Reality: “Let me just check my email….”

Also, if that “vacation” is with your family…

10. Go on a summer road trip.

Reality: Realize that all this summer fun requires some sort of planning. And money.

11. Complain about how long winter/spring-that-was-basically-winter lasted.

Reality: Find yourself fondly remembering the majestic beauty that is winter.

12. Scope out babes by the pool.

Reality: Realize you have the sex appeal and grace of a giant bear.

Also, FACT: If you try to look sexy by the beach, nature will troll you.

Reality: Too hot to leave the house. Too hot to move.

Too hot to breathe. Brb dying.

14. Convince yourself you’ll be fine with just the fans in your apartment.

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