1. Saying "DO NOT" is just a way to keep the argument about cell phone minutes going:
2. If your dad doesn't do the one chore he's responsible for doing, your mom's gonna give it to him:
3. When your mom wants to go shopping for antique furniture on Saturday, she has to be really explicit that it's something she REALLY WANTS HIM TO DO WITH HER, GOD DAMMIT:
4. Most of the time, your dad has no idea where he is...
5. ...but he always knows where your mom is.
6. This is what your mom says to get your dad to understand how serious she is about him learning to tie his own tie:
7. Sometimes it's like they're so old, they've forgotten how to kiss properly:
8. Your mom says your dad can't turn their bedroom into a "Duck Hunt" game station because her name is on the deed to the house:
9. There's a dead frog caught in the pool filter. Your dad tries to tell your mom what to do, and she says:
10. They literally still kiss PHOTOS of each other:
11. This is what your mom looks like when your dad didn't get to the cleaners before they closed:
12. They're always searching for somewhere private to bone:
13. And they think you don't know what they're doing — but you do:
14. In fact, their love for each other is so bad that they now make the most mundane forms of human interraction resemble foreplay:
15. And this is you watching them celebrate every wedding anniversary, because you know what they have is great... but also pretty twisted:
