Things Newly Single Girls Don’t Have To Worry About Anymore

A breakup before or during the holidays sucks. But just as there are lots of pros for being in a relationship, there are a lot of things you should celebrate not having to worry about anymore (besides buying a gift).

1. Shaving

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If nobody’s going to be coming too close, why worry about clogging the shower drain with hair? Besides, in an emergency, smooth skin is only 3 minutes away with hair removal creams.

2. Moving Somewhere For Your Partner

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While listening to your friend vent about how much she hates the boring town or over-crowded city where her boyfriend landed a lucrative job, hide your joy that you have the freedom to roam wherever you want.

3. Remembering To Put On CertainDri At Night

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If before going to bed you forget to put on prescription-strength antiperspirant that could dry a river, it’s no big deal- there’s no risk of a sleepy nose accidentally rolling into that hollow.

4. Agreeing On Where To Eat With Someone

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“What do you want for dinner?” is no longer a polite question you have to ask while telepathically sending hints that the correct answer is “sushi”.

5. Taking Antibiotics On Birth Control

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Now all you have to worry about is antibiotic resistance. Before you had had to worry about MRSA and babies.

6. Remembering Your Partner's Family Members' Names

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It’s hard to remember everyone’s name, especially when your significant other has dozens of “cousins” and “uncles” who aren’t blood-related, but have known his/her parents since the days in the sandbox. Not your uncle, not your problem!

7. Sharing Your Bed With Someone Else

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It’s great to come home from work and take a nap, or sleep till 3 p.m. on Saturdays with nobody there to judge you or, worse, steal the covers.

8. Considering Someone's Feelings Before Taking Big Career Risks

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If next week you quit your job to take an unpaid internship to start a new career then it affects nobody but you, and you need nobody else's input. While you’re single and childless let your mantra be “GO DO IT!”…provided you don't get evicted for not paying rent.

9. Visiting The Gyno…

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Because of some terribly fun weekends. Worth it. But still really, really annoying and expensive. It's nice to only have to go to the annual "well woman" check-up.

10. …And Having To Explain WHY.

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Because sometimes a firm “not tonight” isn't clear enough. At least you took care of it without documenting every step of your recovery on Instagram.

11. Farting In The Shower

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Self-explanatory. Plus, how do you explain when the sound echoes off the walls? “I dropped the soap”? No. Replace your shower cries with shower toots!

12. Being With The Wrong Person

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There is nothing worse than singing The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”, even though it’s a great song. Celebrate your singledom and congratulate your engaged friends this holiday season (because you know there will be) without the unattractive bitterness! Spend time being the best you there is because if you don't, how can you expect someone else to want to spend time with you?