1. Sexts are less funny when they were intended for someone else.
The very hairy photo of Adam’s private parts is made less amusing when he replies to say that wasn’t for you.
2. Speak up when your middle-aged male boss tries to massage you.
Even if he says he’s just practicing what he learned in his Reiki class, do tell him it makes you uncomfortable. All the women in Hannah’s new office seem to put up with it, which just gives the old dude license to keep on touching.
3. You will be properly remembered for that awesome prank you orchestrated at summer camp!
The perfectly planned “kitchen raid” you pulled at Camp Ramah will be remembered by a cute guy, who you will inevitably run into on the streets of downtown Manhattan. In turn, he (Summer Camp Dude) will think you (Shoshanna) are awesome.
4. That said, do not be fooled by Summer Camp Dude’s apparent innocence.
Sure, he came over to watch a movie. And sure, he wears leather flip-flops and has a brown knee brace that he wears over his loose-fitting jeans. Summer Camp Dude seems like he’s going to be a total sweetheart. But, when he mocks Shoshanna when she openly admits she’s a virgin and blows her off because she’ll “get attached,” he turns out to be a total jerk.
5. Never leave your diary/journal/personal thoughts sitting out on your bed. It will end badly. Obviously.
People have prying eyes. People will read your diary. Your best friend’s boyfriend’s weird friend will find his way into your room and read your diary and it will end in complete disaster. Hide it!
6. Avoid allowing your brand new coworkers to give you a makeover.
I know, there’s pressure to fit in when you start a new job, but just get to know them a little better before you let them pluck out your eyebrows.
7. If you do let your brand new coworkers give you a makeover, this could be the result.
Seriously, just flee the bathroom before they turn your face into someone else’s face.
8. Before you decide to unionize, check on the children.
Jessa’s passion for organizing a local babysitter’s union was awesome. It was, however, less awesome when she realized that in the midst of all her planning, she’d lost the kids she was watching.