The 7 Worst Times To Be A Woman

According to science, women are suffering at 5:22 a.m., 3:30 p.m., the week after their birthdays… so basically all the time.

1. On Wednesdays at 3:30 p.m.

A recent study (by tanning products company St. Tropez) found that women look their ugliest at 3:30 p.m. on Wednesdays). Happy Hump Day!

2. When you’re older than 31.

John Moore / Getty Images

A recent QVC poll claims that women “peak” at 31, in terms of both confidence and beauty.

3. Or maybe it’s at 28, when women see their sex lives take a turn for the worse.

Olivier Douliery/Abaca Press / MCT

A British survey found that women hit their sexual peak at 28, and it’s all downhill from there. Men don’t peak until 33.

4. Or wait, maybe it’s when you turn 59.

In a 2012 survey of 2,000 women over age 45, participants said they saw 59 as the age at which women should stop wearing things like red lipstick, high heels, and and short skirts. Participants felt women should look “more natural” at 59.

5. It’s generally just not good to be a woman in the 21st century.

A 2009 study by economists called “The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness” found that women today are less happy than women 40 years ago. They cite the decline of two parent households, the burden of housework many women take on after getting home from daytime jobs, and financial expectations.

6. It’s also terrible for women to be awake at 5:22 a.m.

A study from the University of Westminster found that women who woke up as early as 5:22 a.m. were angrier at night than those who slept in as late as possible. They credited this to higher cortisol levels early in the day.

7. The week after a woman’s birthday is also bad.

A scientific study found that women were more likely to die the week after their birthday than any other week of the year. Men were most likely to die two or three weeks before their birthdays.

If you find yourself at any of these points in your life, or day, just remember:

Ann Romney loves you!

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