12 Tips For Improving Your Sex Life From Dr. Ruth

The 84-year-old sex therapist warns: Don’t be too loud in the bedroom. Because of bats. posted on

1. Don’t travel this Labor Day.

33 million plan to travel on Labor Day. I'm more interested in how many plan on having sex! Home or away, doesn't matter.

2. Eat walnuts.

Men, want stronger sperm? Eat walnuts goo.gl/uyQki" target="_blank">http://t.co/YSFCC62u">goo.gl/uyQki Walnuts = better nuts.

3. Sleep with an inmate.

John Lennon's killer allowed conjugal visits. These help maintain prison behavior. Makes sense: frustrated prisoners = trouble

If you're having rough time, I suggest a conjugal visit will fix you right up!

4. Don’t be too loud in the bedroom. Because of bats.

Did u know flies make noise when having sex. Bats know this & they hone in on them. If u don't want bats in your bedroom, shhh

5. Don’t buy from Ikea.

Uh oh, Ikea going into hotel business. By time you build your bed there'll be no time for sex!

6. Don’t watch Shark Week.

For those who missed my Tweet of last wk I said Shark Week wasn't good as foreplay as penises don't respond well to shark attacks

7. Consider the needs of your partner. For example, don’t let him or her lick bug repellent off you.

If you're afraid of West Nile & use a lot of repellent, shower before sex. Don't want lover licking or kissing toxic skin

8. Speaking of bugs, don’t have sex outside.

There are mosquitoes testing positive for West Nile virus. Maybe safer to stay indoors having sex, no?

9. She means it.

Yes having sex outside is "green" but just make sure none of that green is poison ivy!

10. But if you must…

11. Kiss, for the people of Uganda.

People in Uganda are urged not to kiss to avoid getting Ebola virus. Good advice but rest of us have to make up kissing deficit

12. And be creative!

U can also make up your own events. Like onion ring toss onto an erect penis!

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