Here's What Donald's Trump's Spit Glob Thought of His Presidential Announcement Speech

On June 16, Donald Trump announced his candidacy for the 2016 Presidential race in a meandering speech filled with bragging, half-truths, and a giant glob of spit nestled in the corner of his mouth.

I'm born! Hello, world!

Ugh so... I guess I'm a part of this fuckin' guy. What's this guy's deal?

Oh... no. Nooo no no.

Now I'm just a glob of spit here, so take this for what it's worth, but I don't think we should be making gross generalizations about an entire country of people.

Trump, stop looking up to the fake rafters. There's nothing there. You're not fooling anybody, including me, a wad of mucous.

We're all stupid loser rapists -- but yeah, Trump. You're "nice".

Jesus, they gave this garbage troll his own television show? If I were NBC, I would drop his bloviating ass like an EDM beat.

Nice suit, Trump, I can totally see why Macy's let you design a line of business wear for senile VPs in the plastics industry.

Gee, I hope this xenophobic fucktard's beauty pageant franchise doesn't see any backlash from this. I mean, how else is he going to engender the evaluation of women on a such a repugnant and international scale?

We're dying, I get it. I for one welcome the vast darkness of forever sleep.

You want a wall, I want to go AWOL. Ha! Sorry guys, I don't know what's happening. I guess I'm just trying to insert an ounce of levity into an otherwise bleak and nut-punching existence here.

I give up. Wipe me into oblivion now.