13 Reasons Why the #Occupy Movement Failed in Portland

Proof positive that the young hipsters in Portland just don't have a clue. Disappointingly, more Portlandians turn out for the annual Christmas tree lighting. If you discount the old white people and the labor unions the bulk of the "movement" in Portland looks like this:

• 1. NYSE = Wait, these guys won't have jobs anyway...

  

• 2. NYSE = Hipster patriots?

  

  Got to give them points for being inventive enough to get up on that thing, it's about 20 feet off the ground.

• 3. NYSE = Israeli apartheid...wait, what?

  

• 4. NYSE = Nordstrom outfit: $700. Protesting Wall Street in said outfit: Priceless

  

  Nothing says poor like a silk print blouse, Burberry coat, and Gucci gloves

• 5. NYSE = Keep Portland weird (?)

  

• 6. Must be a lot of empty desks at PSU...

  

• 7. NYSE = Legalize Pot (?)

  

  (Actually, if we could legalize it and tax it....)

• 8. Ah, the youth of today

  

• 9. NYSE = 9-11 truthers (?)

  

• 10. Yup, hipsters understand the issues

  

• 11. NYSE = another Israeli apartheid (?)

  

• 12. NYSE = Peace Movement (?)

  

  (On a side note, a significant number of "protesters" were for bringing our troops home, which I fully support)

• 13. Sadly, about 1/2 as many people as the turnout for the Xmas tree lighting ceremony

  

  On a day without rain the turnout was really disappointing. About 70% 20 something hipsters without a clue, 20% labor unions, and 10% old white people.