Things New Englanders Will Learn About Driving In Southern California

There should be a west coast driving manual…

1. First and foremost… THIS will be your commute 99% of the time. Get used to it.

2. However, this will be your commute when you’ve planned ahead and left your house an hour early.

3. A yellow light means, “Get ready to gun it, bitcheeeees!”

4. And a red light means, “Time for 6 cars to turn left! Go, go, GO!”

5. Don’t blink or you’ll get a ticket. The parking enforcement officers are like freaking Sonic the Hedgehog.

6. So, you’ll want to pay close attention to the parking signs… All 16 of them…

7. At some point, you’ll probably be flipped off without knowing what you did wrong…

8. Need to cross a few lanes of traffic? Not without risking your life. Nooobody’s going to let you in without a fight.

9. And when YOU let someone in, because you’re nice, don’t expect a “thank-you” wave.

10. For some reason, the cops feel the need to pull people over in packs.

11. And it’s fun to laugh at the poor suckers, because you yourself will get pulled over WAY less over here…

12. On the rare occasion you see this…


14. Over here the highways are called THE 101 and THE 405. Don’t screw this up OR ELSE.

15. Oh, and speaking of highways… They don’t actually exist over here. They’re called FREEWAYS, people!

16. But alas, we rejoice! Over here, it’s usually legal to pull a U-y!

17. And finally…. you’ll have the pleasure of seeing douchemobiles like Beiber’s cruising around… Enjoy.

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