Ten Alternative Career Paths For Ed Miliband

Oh Ed, we hardly knew ye. Now everyone's favourite human meme-generator has dropped off the radar, where can the former Labour leader go next? We consider ten options to get him back on track.

1. Stonemason

The Guardian / Via i.guim.co.uk

"I'm bringing scripture back" sang Ed, body-popping his way across the stage in front of his newly-unveiled policy monolith. He may never have got the chance to install the #EdStone in the garden of Number 10, but you've gotta give him credit for those top notch engraving skills.

2. 18-30 Club Rep

The Telegraph / Via i.telegraph.co.uk

He might have failed to put a bangin' donk on the Labour campaign, but that's not stopped Ed from enjoying a post-election blowout in Ibiza. Word is he was last seen covered in fluorescent paint shooting a water-cannon full of vodka into a gang of clubbers' mouths in Café Mambo.

3. Masterchef Judge

The Telegraph / Via independent.co.uk

Gregg Wallace and John Torode have monopolised our screens for too long. We need someone to skewer the bloated world of food criticism, someone who isn't afraid to stand-up for the humble bacon sarnie and let the whole world know just how much he's enjoying it - we need you, Ed!

4. Zayn's Replacement

The Independent / Via independent.co.uk

When one door closes, another one opens. And whilst the door to Number 10 has been firmly slammed in Ed's face, there's still thousands of screaming #Milifandom devotees who would follow their icon anywhere. That's What Makes You Beautiful, Ed.

5. Family Liaison Officer

thetimes.co.uk / Via The Times

After a messy leadership campaign pitted the two Milibands against each other, many predicted their public relationship would go into a full-scale meltdown. But after David conceded that "brothers are for life" - who's to say that Ed can't go on to resolve more tricky family situations?

6. Pro Wrestler

tumblr.com / Via Tumblr

Ed climbs onto the turnbuckle and crushes a can of beer over his head, "Hell yes I'm tough enough!" The crowd erupts, chanting his name and waving their hand-made placards triumphantly. MIL-I-BAND, MIL-I-BAND.

7. iPhone Genius Bar Sales Rep

ITV / Via news.images.itv.com

To capitalise on his status as Undisputed King of Selfies, Ed might like to consider taking a role in his local Apple shop. First you get the customers in for a quick photo, then you start to enquire about their current mobile tariff. It's foolproof.

8. Street Performer

The Telegraph / Via telegraph.co.uk

It's not clear from the picture but Ed has actually drawn a crowd after remaining motionless in that pose for twelve solid hours.

9. Bus Driver

The Telegraph / Via telegraph.co.uk

Look how happy he is! This is better than politics, Ed. You never wanted to be Prime Minister anyway. You just steer that big ol' wheel Ed, we'll even let you beep the horn a few times.

10. Personal Trainer

The Sunday Times / Via thesundaytimes.co.uk

Ed is fitter than you, faster than you, and burns more calories in a day than Dwayne Johnson does in a lifetime. You cannot stop this man, all you can do is cower in his presence. With hourly sessions charged at competitive rates, why not see what Ed can do for you?