1. Your array of weird facial expressions makes people uncomfortable.
And most of the time, you’re blissfully unaware.
2. Whenever you’re in public, your unique talent of tripping on air emerges.
And you always check to see if people noticed. (They did.)
3. Restaurants are hazard zones. Food + public place = recipe for disaster.
It’s easier than you’d think to straight up miss your mouth.
4. Not even salad is a safe fallback option.
How do you gracefully eat giant leaves? Are there rules for this?
5. This guy is always in your most recent emojis.
For your everyday, cringeworthy moments.
Of which there are many.
6. Oral presentations are your personal hell.
Talking alone in front of a crowd? Quick, play dead.
7. So is eye contact.
WHERE DO YOU LOOK? LEFT? RIGHT? BOTH AT THE SAME TIME?
IS BLINKING STILL ALLOWED?
8. Silent elevator rides physically pain you.
Why does everyone hate on elevator music?
9. Handshakes give you anxiety.
What if the other guy goes for some elaborate, choreographed, fist-pound thing?
10. Sometimes you lose muscle control and just twitch nervously.
This happens at the most inconvenient times, like when you walk by the hot kid in your class or accept an award at the Grammys.
11. Dancing? You were born without those genes.
“Two left feet” is an understatement.
12. Small talk? Big problem.
You stray from normalcy pretty fast, and it weirds people out.
13. Lulls in conversation result in you saying anything and everything to fill the silence.
Needless to say, it never ends well.
14. You are a first class avoider.
See someone you know from high school on the street? 180 degree reverse, my friends.
15. You worship Jennifer Lawrence.
There’s a little awkward in all of us.
16. And/or Zooey Deschanel.
The reigning Queen of Quirk.
17. Your nervous laughter in uncomfortable situations is almost never appropriate.
In most cases you just accidentally offend people.
18. You dread posing for pictures.
The only on-cue smile you’re capable of is closer to a grimace than an expression of happiness.
19. Flirting is a lost art.
There’s a thin line between sexy and creepy.
And sometimes you forget how to form sentences.
After enough fumbling, it’s safer to just bail.
20. Your heart drops when the teacher tells the class to get into groups.
Your strategy? Nervously scanning the room as everyone else rearranges.
21. There’s no such thing as a smooth recovery.
It’s like rubbing salt in a wound.
22. When you go for a high five, the other person usually doesn’t notice.
In which case, you resort to scratching your head or interpretive dancing or something else really smooth and inconspicuous.
23. And you’d rather just chill at home with Netflix than risk embarrassing yourself in the outside world.
Everything is an obstacle. Don’t leave your house.
- The man accused in Friday's Planned Parenthood shooting in Colorado made his first court appearance. Charges are expected to be formally filed on Dec. 9. ›
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