1. Forget texting back—your fingers are too frozen for your phone to even sense them.
Modern technology forgot people like you.
2. You’ve come to accept that no matter how many layers you wear, wind and winter will always find their way in.
Every day is a polar vortex.
3. You drink coffee not only for the flavor and caffeine, but also just to hold something warm.
Who needs those little heat-blocking cardboard sleeves?
4. The biggest disadvantage to being single is not having a hand to hold for warmth.
And I love you for your body heat.
5. There is no weather that is not pants weather. Bring it on, July.
But actually we should keep them on.
6. You have at some point taken a nap for the sole purpose of restoring your body heat via blankets.
It’s cause she’s wearing a tank top.
Those things were not designed for insulation.
7. You won’t consider skiing, snowboarding, or any other winter activity unless you have those heat pack things strapped to you like body armor.
It’s hazardous to your health.
8. You live in sweatshirts. Hell, you sleep in sweatshirts. And socks.
9. Alcohol is awesome for two main reasons: 1) lowering inhibitions, and 2) raising temperature. Or at least you feel warmer. Sometimes. Hey, it’s worth a shot.
10. It could literally be 80 degrees and somehow you’d still manage to get the chills.
…And you weren’t.
11. Sometimes you go to the gym just to get your blood circulating in the hopes that you’ll regain feeling in your limbs.
It’s not desperate.
12. When you’re sitting there shivering and take your temperature to make sure it’s not a fever, the thermometer doesn’t even hit 98.6.
You are an inhuman ice being. Scientific fact.
13. Getting out of bed or the shower is even more painful for you than it is for everyone else.
It’s a cold, cold world out there.
- Prosecutors will seek the death penalty for Dylann Roof, accused of killing 9 people in a Charleston church in June. ›
- Kentucky clerk Kim Davis has been taken into federal custody until she orders her staff to issue marriage licenses. ›
- Donald Trump has pledged to support the eventual Republican presidential nominee in 2016 and not mount a 3rd-party run. ›