Hi,
I am respectfully asking for your help. I have something that I need to say, and I am hoping that you will hear me out. I have a small voice. I am not confrontational, and I am not aggressive. I am just asking for a chance to be heard.
I have never expected all men to be my friend, or to be nice to me. I have only ever hoped to be treated with respect – not because I am a woman – but because I am a person, just like you, and because I have rights like everybody else.
I have had few reasons to feel anything other than enormous respect for the men in my life. I view the men in my life as strong, protective figures; I look up to them, and I am privileged to know them.
I do not hate men. I know that there are men who value only kindness and humility. I also know that both men and women perpetrate wrongdoing.
However, three days ago, the way that I have perceived men my entire life was irrevocably altered. The actions of one man were the catalyst for exposing a community rampant with disrespect and hatred toward women. The actions of one man, and the men that support him, transformed my view of the world.
A man called Dan Bilzerian published a Facebook status that called women in Los Angeles sluts. He was aboard a helicopter, and he wrote from his position up in the sky, that the women down there only look less 'slutty' from far away.
If you have not heard of this man, he is a millionaire poker player. He has a Facebook following of over 4.5 million users. His social media biography reads 'Actor, Astronaut, Asshole.' If you are aware of this man, I do not know what your opinion of him is, and I am not assuming that you agree with him.
The last time I checked, this particular photo had over 120,000 'likes'.
I know that most of these Facebook users were men.
I also know that there were thousands of comments on this photo.
It was the comments that broke my heart.
Other men commented on this post and called Bilzerian a 'king'. They said that you can 'smell' these women from above the ground in a helicopter. They said that all women are sluts, 'even their mothers'. One man posted a cartoon of the iconic Facebook 'like ' symbol (the thumbs up) penetrating a woman's anus.
In fact, it went on and on.
The following comments have been directly copied from the post.
'I call bullshit, they all look slutty from a distance!'
'Yeah keep on FUCKIN those dumb sluts!!! Your a legend!!!'
'I wanna be dan bilzerian when I grow up'
'He has to be paying someone to come up w this shit it's too good hahahaha'
'More feminists who can't accept or see the reality that a lot of women are still money grubbing whores.'
'Bet you can still see how slutty girls in Bradford are from LA though'
'Lmao! He calls em sluts and they still flock to him.'
'Ya but you can still see the duck lips and fake tits from the air'
'Ahahahaaa man you are thee legend!!'
'They can't smell your money from that far away'
'Watch out Dont fly into one of those vaginas they'll suck u up and leave u with more crabs than Moby Dick'
'you ugly lucky motherfucker…you just eat,drink beer and fuck bitches.. no job,just fun and moneys.. you are living a paradise man i fucking love your life'
'I just found this page on Facebook……dan …….you sir are the fucking man…'
I did not have to sift through the comments to find these. This is not the extent of it; comments of this nature made up the majority of the response to this photo.
It is frightening that Bilzerian is untouchable because he is rich. It is frightening that he can get away with insulting women because he does not care who he offends. The fact that he prides himself on not caring makes him no less accountable. It should not be regarded as an admirable quality, it should be a cause for concern; a cause for condemnation, not praise. However, the issue isn't just with Bilzerian, it is also with the men that support him; the men that use his social media presence as a platform for their own inherent hate, and the men that think this is just harmless, cheeky fun.
To those men, I challenge you on several grounds.
Do you support Bilzerian because you think that women deserve this?
You seem to believe that Bilzerian is justified in calling women sluts, for he is often surrounded by women in his photos. These women tend to be in various states of undress, and are sometimes posing in a sexually suggestive way. You argue that because these women choose to be there, they deserve to be called a slut.
I have several issues with this.
You argue that these women deserve it because they may attain financial gain from their association with Bilzerian. You label them 'gold diggers' and 'money whores'.
So, I ask you this. Why is it okay for Bilzerian to use women, but it is not okay for them to use him in return? If this is your assertion, you are the vanguard of a distressing double standard. You are saying a man can value a woman solely for her body, and what she has to offer sexually, but a woman cannot in turn value a man for his money.
Dan Bilzerian uses women. He uses them to portray his sexual prowess and his popularity. I do not understand how it is an offence for a woman to value a man for something that is also superficial in return.
Are you saying that a woman must submit her body to a man simply because he asks; because he has the right to her body?
Further, you contend that a woman is dirty if she behaves in a sexual manner.
You ignore that fact that if you believe that she has no self-respect, then it follows that Bilzerian, who is also scantily dressed, who also portrays himself sexually, has no self-respect either.
Therefore, you are propagating another frightening double standard. This time, you argue that women should cover up to avoid offending men, but men are free to do as they please.
You are proliferating the belief that as soon a woman is sexually active, she is at fault; she is dirty, she no longer deserves respect, she no longer has her rights.
It is horrifying that you detest these women, but you respect the man that uses them.
Lastly, if you liked that post because you found it funny, I am deeply saddened. The issue of gender equality is not a joke. Hatred cannot become acceptable because it hides under the guise of humour. Bilzerian cannot be given impunity because he does not care. It does not matter if he never hears me, if he is never affected by my message. The point is, you are encouraging him. You are letting him get away with it. There is nothing funny about calling a woman a slut. It is an insult, and it hurts.
Again, if you have made it this far, I am thankful. And, if you are still with me, I am asking you to hear me when I say that there are men out there who have no problem with disrespecting women. There are men out there who think that Dan Bilzerian is free to do what he wants. And this, this is terrifying. This is so frightening, because such pervasive, inherent misogyny is a matter of life and death for women. By allowing this forum to grow, by allowing it to fester and infiltrate the psyche of thousands of men, women are in danger.
Our safety is threatened by men who think it is okay to disrespect women.
Our safety is threatened by men who blame a woman, just because she is sexually active.
Our safety is threatened by men who think they are entitled to our bodies.
In most cases, you are bigger than us. You are stronger than us. Do you know how terrifying that is? It is frightening to know that we could be powerless to stop you from hurting us. I do not contend that all men are going to attack me, or rape me, or kill me. I am arguing that if you support men like Bilzerian, you are saying it is okay to insult women, to hurt them.
Even if this is not your intention, you are encouraging a forum of hate and you are legitimizing misogyny. I need your help to change this. I need your help to make it known that this is not okay.
I am not suggesting that all men subscribe to this system of belief. In fact, there were many men who called out Bilzerian in that post for his behaviour. They told him that he was wrong, that he had no right. To those men, I am grateful. On that day, you gave me some faith that all is not lost. When I read your comments, you made my heart soar.
I want to finish with this:
The word 'women' is not a word touted by angry, screaming banshees. It is not a word used for the sole purpose of man-bashing. It is not a word used by outrageous, angry feminists to assert female dominance and male stupidity.
It is a word that refers to all females. It is a word that refers to your mum, your sisters, your friends.
When a man says that women are asking for it, or that they deserve it, or that all women are sluts, he is talking about all of us.
If the men that support Bilzerian have any love for the women in their lives, they would know that we all deserve more than this.
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