Epic Whole Foods Resignation E-Mail, Presented By Cats In Whole Foods Bags

A disgruntled ex-employee of a Whole Foods in Toronto fired off a very cranky farewell e-mail to his former co-workers, referring to the grocery chain as a "faux hippy Wal-Mart." Here are some selections from the massive missive along with some photos of cats in Whole Foods bags. Names have been redacted to protect the underemployed. The entire sprawling screed can be read at Gawker.

• 

  Image Source Dear Whole Foods Market, My experience at Whole Foods was like an increasingly sped up fall down a really long hill. That got rockier with every metre. And eventually, just really spiky ... With fire, acid and Nickleback music. I was hired about five or six years ago. I appreciated and respected what the company said it's philosophies were at that time. The 'core values' essentially. However, it didn't take long to realize what complete and utter bullshit they are:

• 

  Image Source Oh, you don't recycle properly? (Caring about our communities and our environment) Oh, you throw out enough food to feed a lot of hungry university students. (Caring about our communities and our environment) Oh, you're asking me to put latex gloves on the sales floor so customers can throw a pair out for every handful of gummy bears they take? (Caring about our communities and our environment)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you've installed massive television screens all over the store, sucking up energy and polluting the environment with tacky advertisements. (Caring about our communities and our environment, Supporting team member happiness and excellence) Oh, you waste an absurd amount of energy, ink and paper in your offices for useless bureaucratic nonsense. (Caring about our communities and our environment, Supporting team member happiness and excellence) Oh, you just write off 10-20 per cent of the product that you buy for your bulk department because the bins look nice. (Caring about our communities and our environment)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you sometimes intentionally order too much just to guarantee a full shelf, knowing full well the product will most likely be thrown out? (Caring about our communities and our environment) Oh, you don't actually audit or evaluate each product you sell? (Caring about our communities and our environment, We sell the highest quality natural and organic products available)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you force team members to come in to work, on their day off, once a month, at 7am in the morning, knowing a lot of them live an hour away and the TTC isn't completely running that early in the morning and then force feed them useless updates on the company and embarrassingly artificial pep talks ([Redacted] once compared Whole Foods Market to religion... had to throw that in there. That was definitely a 'Did she really just say that moment'.)? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence, Caring about our communities and our environment) Oh, you buy poorly made, ugly t-shirts for your employees that will just be thrown in the trash and pretend they're gifts when they're really just advertising tools? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence, Caring about our communities and our environment)

• 

  Image Source Oh, the food here is really quite awful on average? Almost everything that prepared foods makes is terrible. The pizza used to be pretty good but the slices have shrunk, the toppings are sparser and it's usually extremely overcooked. The sandwiches are the stuff of nightmares. (It's amazing what advertising can make people think. It can even trick their senses.) (We sell the highest quality natural and organic products available) Oh, you let some customers abuse your employees and then actually reward the customers for their behaviour and then trample on the integrity and honour of your abused employees? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you practice discrimination by offering 'healthier' employees better discounts? And you think having different rules for new smoker employees versus old smoker employees is a good idea? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence) Oh, you purchase products from Israel (Or any distant country) if they're slightly cheaper than local alternatives? (Caring about our communities and our environment)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you've somehow created the worst computer program I've ever used to run your entire buying system? IRMA is some Windows 95 era stuff, guys. I could design a significantly better interface in 30 minutes on a pad of paper. I know several students who could create a superior program in their spare time. Was someone actually hired to create that thing? Was it the Realplayer dudes? Even Captain Picard couldn't facepalm hard enough to express the amount of failure in that... that, thing... (Supporting team member happiness and excellence) Oh, you push employees into greater responsibilities without compensation? Often having them essentially do all the work of a higher position without the pay? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you ambush employee's [sic] using two managers when you want to write someone up? No warning. No representation. All reasons and excuses fall on deaf ears. (Supporting team member happiness and excellence) Oh, you'd rather attempt to create some sort of fake 'culture' with signs and forced meeting than let it happen naturally by letting employees socialize lightly as they work? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you like to manage 'systems' instead of people? You don't hold critical thinking and discretion in high regard? You encourage blindly following rules? I.e., no recourse in challenging write ups. Employees given cold shoulder when they attempt anything like this. (Supporting team member happiness and excellence) Oh, you want us to politely call and let you know if we'll be late... but you'll still write us up when we arrive? Kind of a dick move, guys. (Supporting team member happiness and excellence)

• 

  Image Source Oh, you actually think being 20 minutes late matters? You know Whole Foods Market is just a grocery store, right? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence) Oh, you don't believe inflation exists? Cost of living raises aren't given here? (Supporting team member happiness and excellence)
  I notice a trend... Honestly, I could go on and on and fill out the details but since most people will just dismiss this email I should probably not put too much effort into it. I should have kept a blog&

• 

  Image Source Now the employees have lost a lot of their former power and the store is being sucked into some centralized monster. Quality is being thrown out in favour of the people at the top having to do a little less work. Competition is being destroyed and you're not even pushing that many healthy products. Every second endcap is potato chips or pop or some sort of salt filled snack (Promoting the health of our stakeholders through healthy eating education). A lot of the stuff in Whole Body doesn't even work or has absolutely no credible evidence to back any claims up. You're kind a faux hippy Wal-Mart now. Great. Job.

• 

  Image Source Dear *****, You win a lot of awards in my book. Best at being a chauvinist. Least likely to realize he's about to walk into someone. Just another sign that shows how inconsiderate and egocentric you are. Or, if you do realize you're ploughing through people... well, I won't get into that... Best at ruining the entire meat department vicinity by blasting terrible music. Do you ever think about the people around you? By the way, how did you manage to spit on the back hallway's floor with your head so far up your ass? I guess I can at least forgive you for never learning employee's names because of that. It's probably difficult to hear up there.

• 

  Image Source Dear *****, For the love of god, learn to respect women. You have no idea how insulting and aggravating it is to be around someone who is so condescending to all the women you work with. Stop calling them 'mamma' don't refer to them as 'beautiful'... for christs sake, just keep all pet names off the table. You are NOT complimenting women, you are being open about not knowing knowing their names, and lazy enough to not read a name-tag. Lazy, or you are just that self centered? You have no clue. Take notice of people around you. If you are dumping work on them without real communication we are going to think you are a dick. Take the holiday table for example. You have nothing to do with it, take credit for it and can barely remember the people who run it so smoothly. Who do you think you are?

• 

  Image Source Dear *****, We get it, we get it. You go to the gym. Nobody is impressed. In fact we all just laugh at your inferiority complex.

• 

  Image Source Dear everyone else, As I've said above a few times: you work at a grocery store. Go ahead and relax. Also, Whole Foods will try to make you feel like they are doing you a huge favour by employing you. It's really a mutual agreement or transaction. Don't fall for the guilt trips. Call in sick if you need to, etc.. There are laws in place to stop them from taking advantage of you. And if you're thinking 'This is just the way it is. Suck it up!. You're the biggest part of the problem. I'm afraid we can't be friends.
  Just enjoy life. It's pretty short, you know? Good luck, *****

• 

  Image Source