Rupert Murdoch=Michael Gambon
The News Corp. CEO at the heart of the scandal is often thought of as a warlock, so why not get Dumbledore to play him?
David Cameron=Andy Garcia
David Cameron, the British Prime Minister whose leadership has been called into question thanks to his cozy relationship with Murdoch, really has nothing to do with Andy Garcia. This is casting based mostly on hair.
Andy Coulson=Rainn Wilson
Formerly David Cameron’s Director of Communications (doing nothing to dispel Cameron’s aforementioned publicity problem), Coulson was arrested for his involvement with phone hacking while editor of News of the World. Being a mean-spirited technocrat, Dwight Schrute is perfect as Andy Coulson.
Rebekah Brooks=Shaun White
Rebekah Brooks is one of Rupert Murdoch’s most trusted allies, having run his British operations as Chief Executive of News International. She resigned in disgrace and was recently arrested. This is another hair casting. Alternates include Robert Plant and the animated heroine from Pixar’s “Brave.”
Gordon Brown=Oliver Platt
The former Prime Minister was the target of spying by News Corp. reporters. Oliver Platt kind of looks like him, right?
James Murdoch=Matthew Lillard
The son of Rupert Murdoch and Chairman of News Corp., James Murdoch could be facing serious criminal liability for paying hush money to the eavesdropping targets of his employees. Matthew Lillard has a proven track record of playing slimy characters.
Les Hinton=Julian Assange
Les Hinton was another of Rupert Murdoch’s closest confidants, having been the publisher of the News Corp.-owned Wall Street Journal. Since he was CEO of News International when the phone hacking first happened, he has resigned from his position at the Journal and Dow Jones. More hair casting.
Hugh Grant=Steve Coogan
Hugh Grant went undercover and recorded a former reporter from World Corp. admitting that the company had engaged in widespread phone hacking and bribery of police. The article Grant wrote about his sting operation set in motion the current investigation and scandal. Since Steve Coogan has come forward and alleged he was the victim of phone hacking, why not?
Steve Coogan=Hugh Grant
I’m getting lazy.
Roger Ailes=David Huddleston
Roger Ailes is the President of Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News. He stands to ascend the News Corp. ladder if James Murdoch resigns or is imprisoned. Doesn’t he just reek of the Big Lebowski? Alternates include Admiral Ackbar and the Chet-As-A-Festering-Toad Puppet from “Weird Science.”
Sir Paul Stephenson=Terry O’Quinn
Sir Paul Stephenson was the head of Scotland Yard before he resigned amid charges of incompetence and corruption in the phone hacking case. He’s unlikable and bald, just like Locke from Lost. Alternates include Larry David and Michael Gross from Family Ties.
Boris Johnson=Rhys Ifans
Boris Johnson is the conservative mayor of London who has come under fire for initially dismissing the phone hacking scandal as “codswallop.” Now he’s suspected of actively interfering with the investigation against News of the World. He has very bad hair. Hello, Rhys Ifans!
Jonnie Marbles=Matt Lucas
Jonnie Marbles is the untalented anarchist comedian who hit Rupert Murdoch with a shaving cream pie during Murdoch’s questioning before a Parliamentary committee. Matt Lucas is one of the guys from Little Britain. He’s quite adept at playing pudgy, pasty losers.
Wendi Deng=Yasmin Lee
Wendi Deng is the wife of Rupert Murdoch, and she has lightning quick pie-slapping reflexes. She intercepted Jonnie Marbles in mid-splat and nearly ripped off his face with her immaculately manicured talons. Yasmin Lee is an American transsexual pornographic film actress of Thai and Chinese decent. She was in “The Hangover, Part II” as the prostitute who has sex with Stu. You have to admit, this is uncanny. (WARNING: Do not perform a Google Image search for Yasmin Lee while your filter is off.)
Queen Elizabeth II=Betty White
- Former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore is dropping out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. He got 133 votes in New Hampshire.
- MLB issued its first-ever lifetime ban for performance enhancing drugs to New York Mets' Jenrry Mejia.
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz.
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