Putting The F In Fashion

My dismal understanding of fashion reaches an all time low during London Fashion Week, as the designers collaborate to create clothes that resemble the wardrobe department of an educational theatre company.

F Is For What The Fuck Is This?

Via uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com

This is the sort of thing your grandma nits shortly before she bakes a batch of flies into a fruit cake and mistakes you for someone from her favourite TV show.

Lovely Cara Delevigne, strutting her stuff for Sister by Sibling in what can only be described as a knitted doily, probably knows she looks a bit ridiculous. Her cheekbones look great, yes, but her eyes tell a different story. They say help. This is the pleading look my dog gets when I try to dress her up as a princess.

Via hongkongdogrescue.com

Haters gonna hate...

A Is For Abattoir

Via uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com

Said designer Julien Macdonald: "I really wanted to highlight the plight of animals, you know? Particularly the smaller ones. People are so angry in Europe at the moment about having accidentally eaten horse but, like, no one cares about chickens, you know? I wanted to make something evocative. Something that would prompt discussion. Chicken is delicious, but should we care less about that than we do about a horse?"*

* Julien Macdonald definitely did not say this.

S Is For Snood

Via uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com

Sister by Sibling again, making some very odd predictions for Autumn/Winter 2013. Yes - apparently, come winter, the world will have ended. Rather than rely on our houses for warmth, we'll have to wear the fur of gutted elks. Some of the furs will be blood spattered, but by then we'll be so hardened by a social network-free existence that we'll merely suck on them for sustenance. Be warned, a tough road lies ahead.

H Is For Huh?

Via metro.co.uk

"Organic and psychological transformation are key themes for this young husband-and-husband design team," said London's Metro of Fyodor Golan's A/W 2013 collection.

"You know when you're really high and you just spend ages and ages and ages staring at the fish tank and you think, wow - I wish I was a fish. Or a tank... That's what happened." Said me, just now, of Fyodor Golan's A/W 2013 collection.

I Is For I Have That Rug!

Via iconocast.com

No seriously... did Jasper Conran steal that from my basement? I'm gonna go take a look. I actually have this rug. We take it on picnics. I bet it still has the stain from where I laughed beetroot all over everyone!

O Is For Oh For Goodness' Sake

Via hungertv.com

You know that scene in Bridget Jones when she's spying on Colin Firth and because she's ever so charming and clumsy she slips and ends up covered in mud and foliage?

This.

N Is For Not Just Women

Via mirror.co.uk

Stripes. Slats. Shiny Shoes. Splinters. This look is going to be big.

Men's fashion week happened a couple of weeks ago, and though the designs had a little less time to ferment than those currently being swayed down the catwalk, they were no less ridiculous.

This model is clearly having a bad day. He missed his alarm, his girlfriend still hadn't returned his calls, he coated the very last flakes of his favourite cereal in sour milk, he lost his keys and his wallet and he had to take a rail replacement bus because his line on the underground was shut. This day, he thought, could not get any worse.

Then he was handed his outfit.