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1. “If there were more food and fewer people, this would be a perfect party.” — Ron Swanson
2. "When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her." — Andy Dwyer
3. “I don’t want to do things. I want to not do things.” — April Ludgate
4. "I also think it's pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it." — Ron Swanson
5. "Oh dude, you forgot to put a shirt on. Don't worry I do it all the time." — Andy Dwyer
6. “Love…love fades away, but things…things are forever.” — Tom Haverford
7. “Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.” — Leslie Knope
8. “Ovaries before brovaries.” — Leslie Knope
9. “I think Comic Sans always screams FUN.” — Jerry Gergich
10. “Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.” — Tom Haverford
11. “TREAT YO SELF” — Donna Meagle
12. “The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.” — Ron Swanson
13. "Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life." — Ron Swanson
14. “I love games that turn people against each other.” — April Ludgate
15. “When I walked in this morning I saw that the flag was at half mast, I thought, ‘All right, another bureaucrat ate it!’ And then I saw it was Lil’ Sebastian. Half-mast is too high. Show some damn respect.” — Ron Swanson
16. "Warning: high levels of swagger coming through." — Tom Haverford
17. “Dude that is the coolest sentence I have ever heard somebody talk. — Andy Dwyer
18. "I don't want to paint with a broad brush here, but every single contractor in the world is a miserable, incompetent thief." — Ron Swanson
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19. “I hate talking to people about things.” — April Ludgate
20. "Of all my coworkers he is one of a small number of whom I do not actively root against…uh, there I go again getting all sappy." — Ron Swanson
21. "One time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine." — Leslie Knope
22. “You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.” — Ron Swanson
23. “Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.” — Ron Swanson
24. “I don’t even want to be here. The air is too fresh. It’s disgusting. I can’t breathe.” — April Ludgate
25. "When life gives you lemons make lemonade. I read that one on a can of lemonade. I like to think it applies to life." — Andy Dwye
26. “We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.” — Leslie Knope
27. “There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food.” — Ron Swanson
28. "I'm allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 pieces, I barf." — Andy Dwyer
29. "I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things." — Leslie Knope
30. “Dress code? Black tie optional. Just like life.” — Tom Haverford
31. “Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.” — Andy Dwyer
32. "What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring loudly at me." — Leslie Knope
33. "Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit." — Tom Haverford
34. “If you ever speak to me in Spanish please use the formal usted.” — April Ludgate
35. "I don’t care about that prize. But I’m gonna win because I want his happiness to go away.” — April Ludgate
36. “I hope no one minds if I live tweet this bitch.” — Donna Meagle
37. “I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.” — Tom Haverford
38. "The bankrupt government of Pawnee has been shut down all summer so it's been three months of no work, no meetings, no memos, no late nights, nothing. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy." — Leslie Knope
39. "Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir." — Leslie Knope
40. “Yes, I am a hunter and it’s ‘you’ season.” — Donna Meagle
41. “I wonder who else was born in Eagleton. Voldemort, probably.” — Leslie Knope
42. "Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.” — Ron Swanson
43. “Do you have a first date outfit I could borrow? Like, I don't know a pair of cargo pants?” — Leslie Knope
44. “I call this turf 'n' turf. It's a 16-ounce T-bone and a 24-ounce porterhouse. Also, whisky and a cigar. I am going to consume all of this at once because I am a free American.” — Ron Swanson
45. “My mom is Puerto Rican. That’s why I’m so lively and colorful.” — April Ludgate
46. “There’s a booth over there selling something called 'fried sausage quilts,' so I’m going to buy the booth.” — Ron Swanson
47. “I guess some people object to powerful depictions of awesome ladies.” — Leslie Knope
48. I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.” — Leslie Knope
49. "Well I am not usually one for speeches. So, Goodbye.” — Ron Swanson
50. “I love you and I like you.” — Leslie Knope
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