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The sextuplets from Osomatsu-san all want to date you! Which of these shitheads will steal your heart and ruin your life?

Which Matsuno Brother Is Your Soulmate?

Pick a date!

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It's your birthday! What does he get you?

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Who's the worst brother?

Who's the horniest?

Your soul mate is Osomatsu! Out of all of the brothers, he has the least personality. You are either a boring person or smart enough to avoid the others' more uniquely terrible personalities. You go on to have a below-average life, but only slightly. Congratulations?

Osomatsu

You are a Karamatsu girl/boy/person! Congratulations! With this man by you're side, you've dedicated yourself to a lifetime of public embarrassment. He means well underneath, but wow, that exterior. What did he get you for Christmas? A shirt with his face on it? And he wants to take photos? Again? And every surface in the bedroom is now a mirror? You've committed to this, and the nightmare has just begun.

Karamatsu

Your soul mate is Choromatsu! Congratulations! While superficially the most functional of the brothers, he quickly reveals himself to be as shitty as the rest of them. He’s chronically incapable of making decisions for himself. You quickly take control of every aspect of the relationship, breeding mutual resentment. Several years in, he contemplates an affair. Although it never goes anywhere, he makes a paid Ashley Madison account, and you find out while paying the bills. You consider divorce, but by that point, you’re married with kids and a mortgage. Deciding that it’d be too much of a hassle, the two of you resign yourselves to waiting for the other's death. Remember: in love and war, whoever dies last wins.

Choromatsu

You met Ichimatsu on a rainy day. As he walked out of the alley, slouching, sneering, and drenched in what you hope is (but does not smell like) rainwater, a breath escapes your lips. You fall in love instantly. Beneath the rough exterior (a diamond in the rough, perhaps) you spy the shadow of the perfect man. Grabbing him by the arm, you take him into your home, and he does not resist. As the years go by, his vices fail to recede. He still disappears every once in a while without explanation, only returning weeks later, in the middle of the night and covered in strange fur. He constantly demands to be petted and never reciprocates. He’s scratched up all of your furniture. The nicest place he’s ever taken you is the dumpster behind the cat cafe on Christmas Eve. Still, you have hope - deep in your heart, you still feel that someday, somehow, you can change him. And one day, he disappeared back into the abyss from whence he came, never to return. As consolation, know that he did truly love you.

Ichimatsu

You got Jyushimatsu! He’s the kindest of the Matsuno brothers, but also basically an eight-year-old. Good luck having sex with that. You are truly happy together, but on some level you worry that this isn’t exactly legal.

Jyushimatsu

You got Todomatsu! He’s the most socially competent of the Matsuno brothers, but also the one with the least proven capacity to love. He’ll spend all your money and bitch about you behind your back. His cellphone bill is 700$ a month. After five years, he’ll leave you for an older man he calls Daddy. It will be a relief.

Todomatsu

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Which Matsuno Brother Is Your Soulmate?

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