ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS

I don’t care how this became a thing, just that it did.

1.

HEY MICKEY, YOU’RE SO FINE. YOU’RE SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND.

HEY MICKEY!

*CLAP CLAP CLAP*

HEY MICKEY!

2.

JESUS, LANCE, WHAT DO YOU PUT IN YOUR HAIR? IT’S SO SOFT, YET TOTALLY MANAGEABLE.

I’M A BUMBLE & BUMBLE GUY MYSELF BUT IT DOESN’T DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS.

3.

I WISH I HAD WIFI.

4.

THE THYME’S STILL GOOD BUT THE BASIL’S ABSOLUTE RUBBISH. YOU HAVE TO WATER THE HERBS, MARY. IT’S THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO TO THEM.

SO MUCH FOR OUR CAPRESE SALAD.

5.

I LOVE YOU, TIM.

I LOVE YOU TOO, BARRY.

I’M SO GLAD I MARRIED YOU.

I’M SO GLAD WE’RE SEAHORSES AND NOT AMERICANS SO WE COULD GET MARRIED.

GOOD POINT. LET’S GO FIND A WOMAN TO KNOCK ONE OF US UP. I WANT TO HEAR THE SWISH SWISH OF LITTLE TAILS AROUND THE HOUSE.

6.

I DON’T WANT YOU TO PANIC OR ANYTHING BUT YOU ARE ON A LOT OF ACID RIGHT NOW.

7.

WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST LEAVE YOUR KEYS IN YOUR PURSE?

SERIOUSLY, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

8.

HOLY SHIT, CHRIS?

MIKE?

GET OVER HERE, YOU OLD SON OF A BITCH! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU SINCE DARTMOUTH!

9.

MY CRUSH WAS IN LINE BEHIND ME AT CVS. I WAS BUYING TAMPONS, A HOT POCKET AND US WEEKLY.

JUST GO AWAY. I’M NOT COMING OUT OF MY ROOM FOR A YEAR AND A HALF.

10.

DID ANYONE BRING TOILET PAPER BECAUSE I REALLY HAVE TO SHIT.

CAMPING IS STUPID.

11.

I SAID I HAVE A HEADACHE, CARL. I’M NOT IN THE MOOD.

I SWEAR TO GOD YOU’RE LIKE A TEENAGER SOMETIMES.

12.

I’M NOT GAY, MOM! I JUST ENJOY CREPES, OKAY? A LOT OF PEOPLE LIKE CREPES.

13.

I KNOW YOU WORK ON COMMISSION BUT I’M JUST BROWSING. I DON’T NEED ANY HELP.

14.

PANTENE’S EXCLUSIVE FORMULAS ARE SPECIALLY DESIGNED TO HELP YOU GET THE LOOK YOU WANT WHILE KEEPING YOUR HAIR HEALTHY, SHINY AND DAMAGE FREE.

15.

HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL TODAY?

I DID? TWICE?

HOW ABOUT BREATHTAKING?

LET’S STAY IN BED ALL DAY, YOU LIVING ANGEL.