Everything You Need To Know To Survive Chop't

You can't just stroll in there without knowing the unspoken rules.

1. First things first: Do not, under any circumstances, go between the hours of noon and 2 p.m.

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That giant line snaking around the block is actually for salads, not free cronuts.

2. Stepping up to the counter unprepared can cause panic attacks. Don't do it.

You'll get that same overwhelmed feeling you experienced the last time you attempted to provide Starbucks with exact change: You can't seem to find that damn dime, and the eyes of The Uncaffeinated are burning a hole into your skull. Your brain ceases to function — all you can think about is how many more seconds it will take for the woman behind you, who's sighing unusually loudly, to comment on your incompetence — and you forget what you were fishing for in the first place.

Don't do this to yourself. Figure out your order before, or while, you're waiting in line.

3. Steer clear of the "classic salads."

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You're entirely too unique to chow down on the same combination of ingredients that's ordered by the masses. Plus, that "Chop't Po'Boy" salad is an utter insult to the true meaning of "po'boy."

4. Be smart about toppings.

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You only get four for free — out of 32. No pressure.

5. Splurge when necessary.

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You can't put a price on avocado.

6. Say no to the shrimp.

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$3.99 for mediocre shrimp? You're better than that.

7. Consider a crunch.

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Reaching salad zen requires not only the right flavor combinations, but also the right balance of different textures. Add one of the "Crunch" toppings to mix things up — especially if you've opted for greens like spinach, mesclun or kale. For a healthier crunch, add apples, red and green peppers, or corn. If all else fails, bacon.

8. On a budget? Skip the cheese and order the blue cheese dressing.

It's dressing and cheese in one — without the extra $0.99 to $1.49 cost of ordering cheese separately or counting it as one of your four toppings. Bonus: You get a free side of smug satisfaction that comes with beating the system.

9. Get the dressing on the side.

Via midtownlunch.com

Even though the nice guy behind the counter says you can "tell him when" as he pours it onto your magnum opus of salad creations, you WILL overestimate how much dressing is required for perfection. It's not worth the devastation of a destroyed masterpiece.

10. Minimize your spicy components.

Your belly might be screaming "GIVE ME THE GHOST PEPPER OF SALADS!" but pairing spicy ingredients with a spicy dressing is an amateur mistake. The two will compete for the love of your taste buds instead of seamlessly working together for the good of your meal. Your chipotle chicken and hot peppers don't need jalapeno pesto dressing. Pair that hotness with something creamy — you can't go wrong with ranch.

11. Pass on the bread.

It's sad and flat and lacking the kind of flavor you demand from your lunch. Use up your calories where it counts: on delicious salad toppings.

12. Ignore the sea salt caramels tempting you at the register.

You are stronger than the sugar. LOOK AWAY.

13. Know that all magic comes with a price.

A hefty one. Even the most frugal of efforts may culminate in a $13 to $15 salad.