9 Ways The Lollards Are Literally Ruining Your Life

Like you actually read in the vernacular.

1. The Bible is in English

So the Lollards basically decided to go ahead and translate the Bible so that everyone can read it. This is honestly the worst idea I've ever heard of. The Bible isn't for everyone, only educated people who are fluent in Latin. They used to rely on us for teachings of the church, but everyone can understand it. Perfect. I'm basically useless now.

2. Everyone Can Read The Bible Now

I can't really stress enough what this means. Do you know how many people will question my teachings? A lot. You can read it in English, sure, but don't act like you "get" it. Latin is still the only way to go.

3. They Suddenly Know More About God Than I Do

Oh I'm sorry, did you go live in a monastery for 30 years learning about God? Yeah, you totally can teach me about how I've been misinterpreting the Bible for years.

4. They're Friends With Satan

Yeah, this is a no brainer. Everyone knows that he helped them translate the Gospels into English. Nice handwriting, plebeian.

5. Did I Mention How Smart They Think They Are?

Remade this for John Wyclif. It's about 15 hours long and there are far more than 10 reasons. In theaters everywhere Summer 1383.

6. Their Language is Flat

Sorry, but it is. Maybe I wouldn't be so bitter about the translated version if the writing actually had substance. But it's just so much worse than I thought it would be. Can't read Latin, can't write English. Next time, stick to plowing.

7. They're Always Trying to Get Me to Work

Nope, not happening. I've made a living off of begging. I've got my technique down and everything. I opened them up with my signature "In principo," but they kicked me out of their shop! I'm a friar, I don't work. Especially with laymen. Lena gets it.

8. I'm Not Gonna Work With You or Listen to You

"But St. Paul worked with the laymen!" We get it, you read the Bible. Seriously, have you seen how thick that thing is? Do they actually expect us to read the whole thing? No one at the monastery did...

9. Here's a GIF of a Cat.

So yeah, Lollards are pretty awful. They're trying to overthrow the King and the Pope and kill every kitten in England. If that isn't reason enough to squash their movement I don't know anymore. #FtheLollards #SayNoToEnglish #KittensofBuzzfeed #Kawaii