Ask A Dumb Cat: What To Do When You “Accidentally” Sleep With Your Friend

Plus, how to deal with an office crush! “Ask A Dumb Cat” is a weekly column offering advice, consolation, and life lessons to real people from A Dumb Cat. Send your questions for A Dumb Cat to PrincessCuteyface@buzzfeed.com.

Dear Dumb Cat,

I made the very big mistake of sleeping with my friend and it did not end well. Now I don’t know whether to be mad at him or to just let it go and pretend like it didn’t happen. In any case it is making our other friends uncomfortable and I hate that. What should I do??

Sincerely,

Oopsidaisey

Dear Oopsidaisey,

When a relationship moves from a place where you’re comfortable to a place where you’re uncomfortable, the real thing that is a thing that you seriously need to be figuring out is what, exactly, you’re uncomfortable about. Are you mad because it happened? Or are you mad because it stopped happening? And whom are you mad at? Him? Or you? Or are you mad at the situation — because the whole thing is a mess and you just wish your friends didn’t know about it and everything could just go back to THE WAY IT WAS? Trust me, I know that feeling.

And I’m going to be honest with you when I say that I don’t always actually manage to do this myself because it is HARD, but I DO know what the thing is that is the thing that I have to do in this situation if I want it to get better. And, sorry, but that you have to do as well. We all have to do this if we want to continue pretending that we are adults and to continue living in a world with other adults who sometimes maybe we accidentally sleep with even when maybe that was an awful, devastating, STUPID idea.

Ready?

OK, you’re going to need to get comfortable for this, but bear with me. Lie down on your back and put your feet in the air. Good? Now, start to attack your feet with your other feet as if, like, rather worryingly they have developed a mind of their own and omg, YOUR OWN FEET ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU. Then all of a sudden get really scared of something invisible and jump up and run into the other room as if your life depended on it. Next time you see your friend, bite him on the left ankle.

Yours,

A Dumb Cat

Dear Dumb Cat,

I’ve been in a happy relationship for nearly 2 years. Things are great and wonderful between us and I plan on being with this person for a long time. However, I’ve recently developed a crush on a manager at work who is also in a relationship. What do I do?

Troubled By Feels

Dear Troubled,

OK so I am going to ask you a really tough question and you have to answer HONESTLY. This is the question: What do you mean by “happy” relationship? Because it kiiiiiiiiind of sounds like you are not getting, for instance, some of the things that you would want from a happy relationship that is actually happy and going really well and, like, is going to last for a long, long time?

And even if you are getting a lot of those things (which — OK, that is possible — sometimes this happens to people in happy relationships, and part of being in a happy relationship is finding a good way to deal with this particular thing) — actually, especially if you are getting a lot of those things, there is another question that you need to ask yourself that is even more important than that first question. This is that other question: Is there something HIDING IN THE WALLS THAT ONLY YOU CAN SEE? Because sometimes it kind of seeeeeeems that way.

The good news is that you can test this either with your partner or with the manager you have a crush on. Next time you are with one of them and acting like everything is totally normal between you (which, let’s be honest — IT IS NOT NORMAL BETWEEN YOU), out of NOWHERE, widen your eyes like you have seen a ghost and stare at the blank wall like that is where the ghost is. I don’t want to concern you, but I am actually pretty sure that is where the ghost is.

Yours,

A Dumb Cat

BuzzFeed Animals’ Ask A Dumb Cat™ is an unbelievably inane weekly advice column from a dumb cat who doesn’t even know how to do anything except sleep and eat and generally be a pain in the ass and not even sit on your lap when you want him to. Would you like said advice? Email your questions to PrincessCuteyface@buzzfeed.com.

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