Food

19 Signs You’ve Been Vegan Too Long

This post is dedicated to anyone who’s ever sprinkled nutritional yeast on their popcorn.

1. You have been known to eat raw tofu straight out of the fridge as a “snack.”

2. You know the unfortunate secret that a little bit of vegenaise makes everything taste better.

3. Mushrooms make you nervous because you think they “have the texture of meat.”

4. You know what “casein” is (and that it is cheating).

5. …and you avoid “cultured whey protein.”

6. You know that all these things are vegan.

7. You don’t realize that most people call these Tofu Package Openers “steak knives.”

8. You have, like, five half-full containers of this stuff in your cabinet because you keep forgetting whether you’re out of it.

9. You have your own patented technique for getting these things out of their nightmare packages.

10. You can look at a massive list of ingredients and know whether the food is vegan in less time than it takes for someone else to blink.

Seriously, you are like ninja-fast at this. It’s frightening.

Also, kind of probably don’t eat whatever this is even if you’re not vegan. It doesn’t seem like it’s very good for you.

11. You carry a business card to explain to people where you get your protein.

12. You have said this. And you will say it again.

13. You honestly think that Boca burgers “taste a lot like meat.”

14. When a recipe says “soy sauce,” you read, “Bragg’s Liquid Aminos.”

15. You know this Taco Bell order by heart.

16. This is a major problem for you.

Seriously — this happens to us all the time. That’s why everyone’s always asking about it.

17. This is what your friends think you eat.

18. But this is what you actually eat.

19. And this is how you spend your evenings.

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