March 20 - April 19: Aries Cats are pounce-first-and-ask-questions-later type of cats. If you are born under this star sign, you are likely to figure out how to get into the cream before any of the other cats. As an Aries Cat, you are always the first to the top of the cat tree.
April 20 - May 20: Taurus Cats form strong friendships with a few people rather than being the kind of cat who’s, like, all over everyone’s lap regardless of how much they deserve it. If you are a Taurus Cat, you also never give up once you’ve set your mind to something, which is possibly occasionally kind of annoying if you happen to have a persistent meow.
May 21 - June 20: Gemini Cats are full of life and energy, and they’re quick to adapt to different situations. They hate being bored and they are always sticking their furry little faces into everyone’s business, which is fine, because it is adorable.
June 21 - July 22: If you are a Cancer Cat, you are kind of a contradictory cat. You seek the security of, like, being in your favorite box or whatever, but you also long for new adventures, like getting into the pantry and knocking all the cans off the shelves. You are extremely complicated and unpredictable, which is all very well, but no one is going to take this too seriously because (like so many of these other Cat Star Signs), you have a furry little face.
July 23 - August 22: Leo Cats are extremely honorable and dignified. For a cat, I guess this means that they are maybe slightly less likely to lick themselves in public. If you are a Leo Cat, you’re pretty happy being the center of attention, unless there’s a sunbeam somewhere that requires your royal person to be asleep in it.
August 23 - September 22: Virgo Cats are very cerebral and introspected. They may seem calm and collected, but inside their feline minds are working overtime, meticulously planning world domination (or whatever it is that cats think about when they are thinking seriously about something).
September 23 - October 22: Libra Cats are extremely empathetic, and they’re always quick to look at an issue from someone else’s point of view. Provided that issue is something about cat food or, like, scratching posts or whatever.
October 23 - November 21: Scorpio Cats are very deep and intense. They seem cool and detached, but deep down they are incredibly passionate about deep important cat questions like “If a sunbeam moves but you are too lazy to get up and go back to sleep in it, does it still really exist?”
November 22 - December 21: Sagittarius Cats are always optimistic and excited about the future and never dwell in the past. If you are a Sagittarius Cat, you are the kind of cat who thinks feeding time is always just around the corner, even if you just had breakfast.
December 22 - January 19: Capricorn Cats are incredibly ambitious, and they’re always determinedly pursuing projects to improve themselves. If you are a Capricorn Cat, you are probably even more of a control freak than regular cats, which is saying something.
January 20 - February 18: Aquarius Cats are visionaries. They are unconventional and they go their own way. Sure, they will use the litter box every now and then, but they’d prefer to surprise you.
February 19 - March 20: Pisces Cats are very spiritual and intuitive. If you are a Pisces Cat, you are sensitive and prone to extremes of emotion - purry one minute and scratchy the next. Meow!
- The gun allegedly used by an undocumented immigrant to shoot and kill a woman on a San Francisco pier last week may have been stolen from a federal agent.
- Fox has secured the rights to make a movie about the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling on marriage equality.
- Subway has suspended Jared Fogle, the weight-loss guy from their commercials, due to an FBI investigation.