1. DO: Make an amazing first impression by matching your chihuahua to your leather pink outfit.
I’d hire Bruiser to rep me any day!
2. DON’T: Forget an extra dose of enthusiasm whenever confronted with authority figures who can determine your fate.
Smiles go a long way, folks.
4. DON’T: Forget to be prepared the first day of class.
If you aren’t giving it your all from the start, nasty Harvard professors will devour you whole.
5. DO: Remember to keep up with your…
Along with all that studying, or whatever.
6. DON’T: Try to pass your last season court apparel off as anything other than ridiculous.
Your case will always be dismissed.
7. DO: Comment on your bitchy classmates’ bowel movements when necessary.
To put them in their place, of course.
8. DON’T: Forget your spirituality just because you’re some fancy law student now.
9. DO: Get a bitchy bob and practice your judgmental face, so you can shoot it at unsuspecting classmates.
10. DON’T: Be afraid to have controversial answers to serious questions.
11. DO: Listen to sage advice from professors with great hair.
Seriously, Prof. Stromwell, that ‘do is terrifyingly fierce.
12. DON’T: Try to conform to the lawyer everyone thinks you should be.
Go and do you, boo.
13. DO: Turn bunny ears into bunny realizations, and kick hot messes to the curb.
14. DON’T: Always judge people right away. Even if they’re totally bitchy, stole your ex boyfriend, and tricked you into wearing a Playboy bunny outfit to a party.
15. DO: Prove your points with enthusiasm and a pop of red lip.
16. DON’T: Forget to buy a StairMaster for your room.
17. DO: Feel free to make this face anytime someone makes a nonsensical comment.
18. DON’T: Be afraid to shake your head when someone is totally wrong and you’re right.
19. DO: Gape in horror at anyone whose real name is “Vivian Kensington.”
20. DON’T: Be shy about letting your fellow students know that you are 100 percent winning, and they are huge losers.
21. DO: Stand out from the typical law school crowd by rocking colors outside the autumn palette.
22. DON’T: Forget what the bible* taught you.