Everyone, come quick! Bradley Cooper’s nominated for Best Actor at the 2013 Oscar Awards and he actually has a shot in hell of winning it! Bring the popcorn and whiskey, because we’ve got ourselves a show!
Oh, wait, he was in a whole bunch of roles before the nom, right? Yeah, let’s take a look at some of those and judge if they deserve an Oscar, too.
Premise: Remember him? After Carrie’s hungover face ends up on the cover of New York magazine, she needs a pick-me-up and turns to a random guy at a bar for solace. Bradley is that random guy. Except he blows his shot of sleeping with her when he picks up a copy of the magazine and reminds her of the photo flop. What a dumb-dumb.
Why it’s questionable: Dat hair is amazing, obviously, but that’s about it.
How Oscar worthy is this role?: Carrie is not impressed, and neither are we.
2. His reality TV debut as a “trekker” on a nudist beach in “Treks in a Wild World”
Premise: It’s a less fun version of Wild On… with Brooke Burke, except hosted by Bradley Cooper.
Why it’s questionable: He’s fully clothed at a nudist colony. What a wet blanket, are we right?!
How Oscar worthy is this role?: If you wanna win, you betta show some skin! We and the Oscar judges have needs. Sorry, we’re not sorry.
Premise: Does it matter? He’s shirtless and feeding Alicia Silverstone.
Why it’s questionable: Actually, we’re pretty okay with this one.
How Oscar worthy is this role?: He’s shirtless, so, very. It’s very award-winning.
Premise: Brad plays Todd, the manager of Ryan Banks (aka Jason Priestly), a celeb who decides to clean up his image by posing as the bachelor on a dating show…(sound familiar, The Bachelor fans?!). But, as luck would have it, Todd falls for the lady that Ryan’s meant to propose to.
Why it’s questionable: Jason Priestly stars in this, but it’s not 90210. That’s a problem.
How Oscar worthy is this role?: :(
Premise: A failed drummer was kicked out of an ’80s hair band called Vesuvius, but is given a second chance at rock star glory. As you might be able to tell from the photo, Brad plays a member of that ’80s hair band.
Why it’s questionable: We’ve seen cover bands with more swag than Brad. (If you’re gonna go ’80s, then we want more eyeliner.)
How Oscar worthy is this role?: He couldn’t get into a half-off ’80s night with that getup, let alone the Oscars.
Premise: Sometimes, movie titles are pretty literal. Enter: The Midnight Meat Train. Where Brad plays Leon, a photographer who attempts to hunt down a serial killer who likes to murder on the subway…because, why not.
Why it’s questionable: Horror films are a dish best served without Cooper.
How Oscar worthy is this role?: We’ll just say this: no.
7. As Aidan Stone on “Nip/Tuck”
Premise: On the TV series Nip/Tuck, Bradley was a star, playing a TV star on TV. So meta.
Why it’s questionable: See gif above.
How Oscar worthy is this role?: See gif above.
Premise: Renee Zellweger is a social worker, and her psychiatrist/BFF is Brad. All should be well in social worker land, except that when Renee tries to save a girl from her abusive parents, weird things start to happen. Like Brad’s back being covered in bees, for example.
Why it’s questionable: Can we cite the fact that he dated Renee after this movie?
How Oscar worthy is this role?: If he’s allergic to bees, it’s very worthy. Not allergic? Forget it.
9. As Templeton “Faceman” Peck in “The A-Team”
Premise: The U.S. military is all in a tizzy because they think Brad and his gang of merry men have committed a crime. But they were framed, see, that’s the thing, so they’ve got to work hard to clear their names, or whatever.
Why it’s questionable: Liam Neeson stars as a man named Hannibal, and Brad’s character name is Face. That’s all you need to know.
How Oscar worthy is this role?: If Brad’s face gets eaten off by Hannibal, then very.
Premise: Dax Shepard is a former bank robber with a new identity from witness protection, but that all changes when his old gang—including Bradley—come knocking.
Why it’s questionable: Tom Arnold plays a large role in the film, Bradley has dreadlocks, and his character’s quest for revenge is based off of this stunning line: “I got [bleeped] in prison.”
How Oscar worthy is this role?: Do they give Oscars for bad weaves?
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