29 Reasons Ted Mosby Is Still Single

Or, 29 examples of Ted being absolutely pathetic. Come on, Ted.

1. Robin

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He told her he loved her on the first date. Yikes. Not off to a great start here, Ted.

2. Natalie

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He tried to date the same girl twice (don't do that). And he broke up with her on her birthday... Twice. You're kind of a bad person, Ted.

3. Coat Check Girl

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He totally clicked with this girl and DIDN'T GET HER NUMBER. Jeez, Ted.

4. The Slutty Pumpkin

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He dressed as a hanging chad for Halloween. He wrote her number down on Halloween candy. He pathetically pined for her for years. Get a grip, Ted.

5. Sarah O'Brien

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He hit on an engaged woman. It's sad. It's pathetic and sad, Ted.

6. Trudy

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He got absolutely wasted and slept with a girl who was dumb enough to sleep with him while he was absolutely wasted. Nobody is a winner here, Ted.

7. Victoria

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He knew long distance wouldn't work but he did it anyway. He cheated and he lied. Again you're really kind of a bad guy, Ted.

8. Mary the Paralegal

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It only took about 30 minutes before he went against his morals and was totally fine banging a prostitute. Gosh, Ted.

9. Amy

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He got drunk and let some skank convince him to get a tattoo. Great decisions all around, Ted.

10. The Threesome

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He had a threesome with a previous one night stand and her skanky sorority sister. I mean, great story and good for you I guess. But, again, you don't come off great here, Ted.

11. Blah blah

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He met her playing World of Warcraft. Not to mention she was clearly a psychopath. Why bother, Ted?

12. Cathy

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He was so desperate for a girlfriend he totally ignored the fact that this crazy chick WOULD NOT STOP TALKING and was driving everyone around her absolutely insane. Get your head out of your ass, Ted.

13. Stella

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She had a daughter but he always wanted kids of his own. She was clearly not over her ex, yet he refused to see it. Another example of him being so desperate for love that he was totally blind. Ugh. Open your eyes, Ted!

14. Vicky

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He does "The Naked Man" instead of getting to know her. I mean, not liking Pablo Neruda doesn't make her a bad person, Ted. Such a pretentious douche.

15. Margaret (Betty)

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Getting caught making out with your friend's fake wife isn't the best way to start a relationship. Doomed from the start. Come on, Ted.

16. Karen

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He kept dating awful, awful Karen. WHY, TED?

17. Holli

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He says things like "texty text" to girls he just met at the bar. Cringe, Ted. Just awkward. Just don't.

18. Jen

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Seven years having gone by or not, you don't completely forget someone you met and went on a date with and kissed on a rooftop. People just don't forget that. Except Ted, because he's actually kind of a jerk. You make terrible jokes and you're a menu snob, Ted!

19. Maggie

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He falls for yet another girl who is clearly supposed to be with someone else. Sensing a pathetic, self-destructive pattern here, Ted.

20. Cindy

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For one thing, she wouldn't stop talking about her roommate which is really obnoxious. Also she's a lesbian. And they had nothing in common. Swing and a miss, Ted.

21. Tiffany

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When a girl says she has a boyfriend, you walk the hell away. Just don't even bother, Ted! Pathetic.

22. Amanda

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He was incredibly insensitive and invited some random skank to Lily's birthday party. So rude, Ted! And she ruined the group photo.

23. Royce

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As per usual, Ted refused to recognize a crazy girl when found one. And (although she had a bitchin' first name) Royce was left at the altar three times and shares a bed with her brother. Run for the hills, Ted!

24. Zoey

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He thinks it's a good idea (again) to date a girl that is literally 100% wrong for him. Really hot first kiss aside, quit screwing around, Ted!

25. Becky

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She made him chocolate chip cookies but instead of chocolate chips she used "gummi beaws" and Ted should have kicked her out of his apartment right then. You'll have your own daughter someday, Ted.

26. Honey

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Despite the fact that he was clearly in love with Zoey, he still gave Honey a few hours of his time, because he's desperate and pathetic and perhaps unhealthily obsessed with meeting every woman ever to exist. You should really go to therapy, Ted.

27. Janet McIntyre

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He Googled her which isn't that weird, except that he had already promised her that he wouldn't, but then he did it anyway like a liar, and ruined everything. His meddling friends are mostly to blame for this screw up, but he still could have tried a little harder to not act like a bumbling idiot. Get a grip, Ted! She's just a person!

28. Carly

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She couldn't meet for a drink at MacLaren's because she's not 21. And she's creepily obsessed with old people and thinks Ted is like 60. What did you expect from Barney's half-sister, Ted? And if you're searching for a wife, undergrad dorms probably aren't the answer.

29. Jeanette

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He fell for his stalker. I mean he fell for and started dating a stalker! She stalked him for over a year and STARTED A FIRE just to run into him. It doesn't get crazier than that. It's not charming, Ted!

So it's kind of a miracle...

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That he ends up with anyone at all!

Thank you, Ted, for teaching us that even if we make terrible decisions, date crazies, pathetically and obsessively profess our feelings, and act like a pretentious douche, there's still hope.

In all seriousness, the end of How I Met Your Mother is going to be insanely bittersweet.