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The Definitive Ranking Of All Of The Turtlenecks In "Love Actually"

Turtlenecks are all around us in this movie. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.

22. The “Sarah Needs A Confidence Boost” Turtlenecks

Universal

Universal

 

There are hideous butterfly brooches (her character was unfortunately fond of these on several outfits) and I’m not even sure WHAT to call that pattern …. Really, there are no words, but there is one thing we can learn from Sarah: Do not wear mud-colored clothing when you are madly in love with your sexy coworker.

21. The “Jamie Is Engaged And He Is Still Wearing A Poop-Colored Sweater” Turtleneck

Universal

It’s rather unfortunate.

20. The “Daniel’s Depressed” Grey Turtleneck

Universal

Universal

 

It is heartbreaking what happened to Liam Neeson’s character. But this baggy shirt will not get Claudia Schiffer to fall in love with you.

19. The “Generic Winter Wardrobe” Turtleneck

Universal

Universal

Universal

 

Seen here in three different forms during the school holiday pageant.

18. The “My Friend Has Just Told Me He’s Going to Wisconsin To Get Laid” Zip-Up Turtleneck Sweater

Universal

Comforting when you need to keep your sanity about you, but its reach is little more than functional.

17. The “I’m Going to Cheat On You As Soon As You Leave To Go To A Wedding” Turtleneck

Universal

As seen on Jamie’s girlfriend. Plus points for oversized comforts. Minus points for the whole having-sex-with-his-brother thing.

16. The “Stripes Mean We Are Serious About Learning Another Language” Turtlenecks

 

Unclear whether there is scientific proof that stripes fuel brainpower, but these students in Jamie’s foreign language class seemed to think so.

15. The “How Long Have You Been In Love With Karl” Pep Talk Mock Turtleneck

Universal

Suitable for moments when you’re trying to figure out how long one of your employees has been in love with another of your employees.

14. The “Daniel Is Slightly Less Depressed” Turtleneck

Universal

After overcoming the first phase of the grieving process, the widower moves on to clothing with shape.

13. The “Covert Eavesdropper” Turtleneck

This man thought he would be sneaky in black listening to Karen call Harry out – but he failed.

12. The “I Am Going to Cheat On My Wife, Maybe” Black Turtleneck of Doom

Universal

Worn when Snape contemplates buying his slutty secretary a Christmas gift; black like his soul at this particular moment.

11. The “I Really Want to Watch Jamie’s Proposal” Turtleneck of Hopeless Romanticism

 

Green is the color of love, not envy, in the case of this woman who happily marched at the front of the crowd to Aurelia’s restaurant.

10. The “Grown Men Wear Sea Colors” Turtlenecks

 

This may, in fact, be the same turtleneck in two different colors.

9. The “Uncle Jamie’s Here!” Turtleneck

Not for long - it’s OK, though. He’s winter-ready in this tan number.

8. The “Hi, Karl” Turtleneck Sweater

Universal

HE’S SO PRETTY.

7. The “Nativity Scene DIY Costume” Turtleneck

Universal

Points to Penguin’s mom for reusing an orange turtleneck.

6. The “Jamie Only Packed One Turtleneck To Mend His Broken Heart” Grey Turtleneck Of Dispair

Universal

Universal

Universal

 

No, but really.

5. The “Sigh, Mia” Black Turtleneck

Universal

Gotta hand it to her, though: The girl knows how to find a flattering turtleneck.

4. The “I Am Naked in Every Scene Except Two, And For Those, I Wear Pink” Turtleneck

Universal

Universal

 

It is quite flattering, however.

3. The “I’m Claudia Schiffer And I Look Brilliant In Everything, Especially Thick Woolen Layers” Blue Turtleneck

Universal

Self-explanatory.

2. The “This Precious Angel Just Wants You To Sing Her Christmas Carols” Turtleneck

Universal

Guaranteed to melt even the biggest Scrooge’s heart this holiday season.

1. The “My Best Friend’s Wife Just Realized I’m In Love With Her, So Now I’m Going to Zip Myself Into a Turtleneck of Humiliation” Turtleneck

Universal

Universal

 

To me, you are perfect.

Thanks to Brittany, Kelsey, Jess, and Anna Marie for helping catalog the turtlenecks.

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