The Definitive Ranking Of All Of The Turtlenecks In "Love Actually"

Turtlenecks are all around us in this movie. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes.

22. The “Sarah Needs A Confidence Boost” Turtlenecks




There are hideous butterfly brooches (her character was unfortunately fond of these on several outfits) and I’m not even sure WHAT to call that pattern …. Really, there are no words, but there is one thing we can learn from Sarah: Do not wear mud-colored clothing when you are madly in love with your sexy coworker.

ID: 1992125

21. The “Jamie Is Engaged And He Is Still Wearing A Poop-Colored Sweater” Turtleneck


It’s rather unfortunate.

ID: 1992208

20. The “Daniel’s Depressed” Grey Turtleneck




It is heartbreaking what happened to Liam Neeson’s character. But this baggy shirt will not get Claudia Schiffer to fall in love with you.

ID: 1992113

19. The “Generic Winter Wardrobe” Turtleneck





Seen here in three different forms during the school holiday pageant.

ID: 1995273

18. The “My Friend Has Just Told Me He’s Going to Wisconsin To Get Laid” Zip-Up Turtleneck Sweater


Comforting when you need to keep your sanity about you, but its reach is little more than functional.

ID: 1992090

17. The “I’m Going to Cheat On You As Soon As You Leave To Go To A Wedding” Turtleneck


As seen on Jamie’s girlfriend. Plus points for oversized comforts. Minus points for the whole having-sex-with-his-brother thing.

ID: 1992075

16. The “Stripes Mean We Are Serious About Learning Another Language” Turtlenecks


Unclear whether there is scientific proof that stripes fuel brainpower, but these students in Jamie’s foreign language class seemed to think so.

ID: 1992162

15. The “How Long Have You Been In Love With Karl” Pep Talk Mock Turtleneck


Suitable for moments when you’re trying to figure out how long one of your employees has been in love with another of your employees.

ID: 1992079

14. The “Daniel Is Slightly Less Depressed” Turtleneck


After overcoming the first phase of the grieving process, the widower moves on to clothing with shape.

ID: 1992148

13. The “Covert Eavesdropper” Turtleneck

This man thought he would be sneaky in black listening to Karen call Harry out – but he failed.

ID: 1992182

12. The “I Am Going to Cheat On My Wife, Maybe” Black Turtleneck of Doom


Worn when Snape contemplates buying his slutty secretary a Christmas gift; black like his soul at this particular moment.

ID: 1992152

11. The “I Really Want to Watch Jamie’s Proposal” Turtleneck of Hopeless Romanticism


Green is the color of love, not envy, in the case of this woman who happily marched at the front of the crowd to Aurelia’s restaurant.

ID: 1992237

10. The “Grown Men Wear Sea Colors” Turtlenecks


This may, in fact, be the same turtleneck in two different colors.

ID: 1992206

9. The “Uncle Jamie’s Here!” Turtleneck

Not for long - it’s OK, though. He’s winter-ready in this tan number.

ID: 1992169

8. The “Hi, Karl” Turtleneck Sweater



ID: 1992085

7. The “Nativity Scene DIY Costume” Turtleneck


Points to Penguin’s mom for reusing an orange turtleneck.

ID: 1992155

6. The “Jamie Only Packed One Turtleneck To Mend His Broken Heart” Grey Turtleneck Of Dispair





No, but really.

ID: 1992134

5. The “Sigh, Mia” Black Turtleneck


Gotta hand it to her, though: The girl knows how to find a flattering turtleneck.

ID: 1992092

4. The “I Am Naked in Every Scene Except Two, And For Those, I Wear Pink” Turtleneck




It is quite flattering, however.

ID: 1992168

3. The “I’m Claudia Schiffer And I Look Brilliant In Everything, Especially Thick Woolen Layers” Blue Turtleneck



ID: 1992187

2. The “This Precious Angel Just Wants You To Sing Her Christmas Carols” Turtleneck


Guaranteed to melt even the biggest Scrooge’s heart this holiday season.

ID: 1992178

1. The “My Best Friend’s Wife Just Realized I’m In Love With Her, So Now I’m Going to Zip Myself Into a Turtleneck of Humiliation” Turtleneck




To me, you are perfect.

Thanks to Brittany, Kelsey, Jess, and Anna Marie for helping catalog the turtlenecks.

ID: 1992144

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