20 Things That Guy From The NYTimes Should Have Done In Williamsburg If He Really Wanted To Be A Hipster

You may have seen the so "ridic" NYTimes article all about how a "true Manhattanite" became a hipster by staying at the Wythe Hotel for a weekend, venturing to Bushwick on a "fixie" bike, dining at Roberta's, getting a clean shave, and buying some "organic farmer" like clothing. Well, there are some things that guy totally missed and anyone who knows Williamsburg and "Bedford Street" would say "obvi" guy, what were you thinking? Poke fun of us all you want NYTimes but here are 20 things you should have done if you were actually trying to experience Williamsburg before you took a big dump on it. Most of them praised by NYTimes in former years. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/02/fashion/williamsburg.html

1. Spend a Day Basking in the Sun at McCarren Park

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McCarren Park just might be the ultimate Hipster spot and this guy didn't even bother to ride his "fixie" by it, or mutter the words. A day spent in the park is an ol' hipster past time, beards and cut off shorts fill the lawns every weekend and make it a go-to hang out spot for the broke and hungover hipster.

Note: Fixie NYTimes photo circa 2008, they knew it then but this guy didn't bother to know it now.

2. Get a Frozen Margarita in a Styrofoam cup from Turkey's Nest while hanging at McCarren Park

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Another "obvi" ritual. I don't think I need to say much here but nothing beats the sun and that hangover better than a Turkey's Nest frozen Margarita right on the corner of the park.

Note: Apparently no one at the NYTimes knows about Turkey's Nest but they do know a thing or two about wild turkeys on Staten Island and we all know things can get pretty wild after a margarita or (if you dare) two.

3. Get Drunk and See a Movie at Nitehawk Cinema

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Movies for adults. Perhaps the most hipster-esque date you can go on has got to be one of the throwback screenings happening regularly at Williamsburg's Nitehawk Cinemas where you can post your (alcoholic) beverage & food order on these cute slips of paper with a cute mini pencil and a waitress will grab it and bring said order straight to your seat. They also do fabulous brunch parties. C'mon guy, you really didn't stop by Nitehawk?!

See: Spoons Toons and Booze Brunch party.

http://www.nitehawkcinema.com/movie/spoons-toons-and-booze/

Note: Fancy NYTimes sneak peek photo before Nitehawk was open back in 2011, someone there knew about it - not that guy though.

4. Take a Donation Based Yoga Class at Yoga to the People

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Times are tough folks and anyone living in Williamsburg knows the master secret of getting your downward dog on at Yoga to the People. Since we're all working to pay our rent here pay-what-you-wish yoga is where it's at. Plus, who doesn't love cramming into a sweaty studio with other 25-40 year old tatted up smelly hipsters?

Note: Super artsy Yoga to the People photo from NYTimes circa 2010, c'mon guy get with it.

5. Get Your Dance on at The Woods and Makeout with a Stranger

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Ah. The Woods. Although there are many great bars to stumble into perhaps the most notorious sweaty dance party happens at The Woods. I do know this guy has a boyfriend (since it clearly had so much to do with his story he had to mention it like a zillion times) he still should have gone and gotten his groove on. Anyone living in the burg has loads of stories to tell of crazy drunken nights, random make outs and lots and lots of pickleback shots.

Note: NYtimes also doesn't know about this yet, but TimeOut NY does, in a piece they did of the 100 pick up spots in New York... “My first one-night stand in New York was with a girl I picked up at the Woods (48 South 4th St between Kent and Wythe Aves, Williamsburg, Brooklyn; 718-782-4955). There’s a big bar on one side that opens up to a separate dance floor, and then out back there’s this huge covered patio with a taco truck, so there’s lots of different places to socialize.”—Erin, 31

6. Go Shopping for a new wardrobe at Beacon's Closet

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He did do some vintage and thrift shopping while here but hello? Didn't anyone inform him Beacon's Closet IS THE SPOT to go? Sorry guy, we love those other stores but Beacon's Closet is legend.

Note: The NYTimes did write about Beacon's Closet's Manhattan spot in EV and mentioned it's Brooklyn location but I prefer this article about Girls which talks about Hannah's wardrobe made up of finds from Beacon's and another Burg fav Atlantic Attic

7. Go to Enid's for Brunch

freewilliamsburg.com

The first time I ever went to Enid's was a long time ago, long before I owned the proper beanie or tight enough skinny jeans and let me tell you it was like I was invisible. Any good foodie/hipster/Greenpoint/Williamsburg local will tell you Enid's Brunch is fabulous. So fabulous you'll often hear it dropped in interviews as the cool spot those cool kids go when not being that cool, but really what they mean by that is they're so fucking cool.

Note: Basically every publication knows about it except the NYTimes apparently, and really it's hard to pick the best quote so just head over to FreeWilliamsburg bar guide for the ins and outs of the spot.

http://www.freewilliamsburg.com/bars/archives/2005/03

8. Try an Iced Coffee from Cafe Capri because that shit is the bomb

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There may still be some that don't know about Cafe Capri, but not likely, at least we do know that guy doesn't or he would have definitely riden his "fixie" over to the Graham Ave legend of iced coffee. Just recently while sitting outside Cafe Capri on a bench I observed about 5 different groups of people walk by, each pointing out to their friends and gushing about how insanely "ridic" that coffee is. The big to-do with this place is they make coffee iced cubes to go in your coffee so it never gets watered down, not to mention it's authentic flavor and the adorable man who serves it to you. The store itself is a step back in time- you can expect Sinatra tunes and a set-up that'll make you feel like you're right back in Grandma's kitchen.

NYC's best iced coffee, hands down, don't make the same mistake as that guy.

Note: This article on greenpointers.com had a "ridic" good pic of Cafe Capri but the content itself had nothing to do with coffee or the cafe, whatevs it's "obvi" so good they had to use it. There is a good link in it though about mannequins giving boners in Hasidic Williamsburg, so yeah, there's that.

9. Play Skeeball at Full Circle Bar on a Tuesday or Thursday

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In Williamsburg skeeball can be found all over the place but let's face it nothing beats Tuesdays and Thursdays at Full Circle Bar where skeeball is free and you even get a free hot dog or jumbo pretzel with your drink order. We're ashamed this guy didn't even get one good round of skeeball in, especially ashamed he didn't visit the home of the first-ever national skeeball league, Brewskee Ball

Note: Free Genny bar 10pm-11pm last Thursday of every month.. whaaaat?!?! Sorry Manhattanites it's only for us, your fancy zipcode ain't so fancy anymore is it?

10. Go to Brunch or Dinner at Five Leaves

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Just like Enid's Five Leaves is conveniently located right near the main Hipster mecca, McCarren park. These days it's hard to go more than a day without hearing someone mention it. Have you been to Five Leaves? OMG we went to Five Leaves, that place is "ridic" good. Oh, it's also a place that was created in Heath Ledger's memory, as the owners said in a NYTimes article back in 2008 “This would have been Heath’s hangout,” So yeah guy, you messed up again.

Note: Back in 2008 the NYTimes knew about this place and even shouted out plenty of other "cool hipster" hangouts such as previously mentioned Enid's, Union Pool and Zebulon (now closed). Guess no one bothered to point this guy in the right direction.

11. Go to Dance, I mean Bowl, at Brooklyn Bowl

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Bowling, Dancing same thing right? Bowl under the disco lights and hop over to the dance floor to let loose. Brooklyn Bowl is another legend spot, with great musical acts and big named DJs stopping in you can sometimes actually find reason to pay the cover and cough up cash for the overpriced bowling and drinks. 16 bowling lanes and a capacity of 600 people Brooklyn Bowl is one of the biggest baddest bars in the Burg.

Note: In 2009 Pete Wells was all over it and loving the kid's birthday party he went to at the freshly opened Brooklyn Bowl, guess this guy didn't get to talk to Pete before he headed over the bridge.

12. Dine at the best Peruvian food spot in NYC - Chimu, preferably for your friend's Birthday

robertlanham.com / Via freewilliamsburg.com

Empanadas may just be the best food in the world, empanadas from Chimu ARE the best food in the world. A good local has a Chimu VIP card stashed away somewhere in their wallet. This little gem, had the guy bothered to venture that way, would have blown his mind. A visit straight into Peru there aren't many tables in there at once speaking english and the tight pathways and crowded bar make for one noisy dining experience. It's a great place for us to show you guys that Williamsburg isn't all hipster vintage and tatted, we also have places like this, and we love them. They blare the birthday song through the whole restaurant's speakers and everyone in the entire place gets involved. Plus, birthdays are a great excuse to down multiple pitchers of their sangria so to that guy - you totes know where you're booking your next Birthday dinner.

Note: This place is too cool for the NYTimes. Period. As the Village Voice said... "This cozy, spicy Peruvian restaurant became a fast favorite among locals, including hipsters who relish the fact that it’s not full of hipsters(?)."

Yeah. Exactly.

13. Go to a Warehouse Party in Greenpoint or Afters in Bushwick

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Most locals know the party never stops in Brooklyn, while there are plenty of late night spots to be found in Manhattan the real dance parties are going on way into the night and their Brooklyn addresses are being sent via text and private message. We get it guy, you were only here a weekend therefore you probably didn't meet anyone that gave you the in on where to head but I'm sorry to say without one of these parties you can't even begin to speak about the scene. These anything goes - no doorman's discretion - party til the sun comes up spots are truly magical. From Bang On to Robot Heart to Passion Faction to Mr. Saturday Night take your pick, pay a cover and dance until you can't take it anymore but have no fear because when you're done you'll be just in time for breakfast.

Note: Penelope Green from NYTimes got the in at Bushwick's House of Yes which is quickly becoming the most popular spot so why guy why did you miss it?! Especially since most of your time seems to have been spent in Bushwick it seems only logical you would have dropped into this "obvi" spot.

14. Dumont Burger for their Mac n Cheese or I guess for a Burger

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I'm so hungry now. Just mentioning Dumont Burger is enough to make my mouth water and what this guy doesn't realize is that he just missed out on NYC's best Mac n Cheese. Oh they also have good burgers and are at the top of the list of places to take your visiting friends for food. Between their two locations this guy really screwed up here. Also- May is NY Burger Month so it'd be shameful not to mention the Burg's best burger. (I already know swarms of Williamsburg-ers, hehe, might argue me on that but hey- don't forget about that ooey gooey perfection they call mac n cheese, it makes their burger that much better when served side by side.)

Note: Salute to a Sandwich, all the back in 2006 NYTimes was giving their praise to Dumont so what happened guy?

15. Stop by The Bagel Store for "The Real fucking Bagel Man"

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I don't know about the Bagel Man but I fucking love Michelle and I'm sure most locals who live in Williamsburg feel the same way. Recently they featured a Cinco De Mayo bagel made with Patron Silver and they're always brewing up creative flavors and spreads. Another Burg classic with two locations and that means two times that guy messed up. Go to Brooklyn and NOT get a bagel? What are you originally from the West coast? (http://www.tmz.com/2011/10/07/bagel-war-new-york-los-angeles-east-west-coast-video-tmz-on-tv/)

Note: Gamechanger, the NYTimes may not be on it but Gothamist was recognizing their gamechanging bagel making back in 2011 when they featured their candy corn bagel for Halloween, um yes please, I'll take two.

16. Get a free pizza when you order a drink at Alligator Lounge

freewilliamsburg.com / Via freewilliamsburg.com

There are lots of places now that do it but for the classic spot I'm going with Alligator Lounge. Years ago when I was a broke college student trying to afford Williamsburg rent this was my go-to dinner spot. I felt I couldn't beat the price for dinner and I even got a beer with it. So guy, we love our organic farm fresh foods but no doubt we also love our cheap beer with a free pizza ticket we get at Alligator Lounge. Plus their trivia night asks actual questions that you might actually know the answers to, you seem like a smart guy, kind of.

Note: The NYTimes shouted out their counterpart Crocodile Lounge in EV as a great place to save money but where did Croc Lounge come from? Yup, it started with Alligator Lounge.

17. Drink a caipirinha at Miss Favela on a Saturday Afternoon

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I'd say go to brunch but honestly I've never actually eaten at Miss Favela. Caipirinha after caipirinha fills the belly and the Brazilian beats are hot. This guy might have been shocked had he ventured all the way over to under the bridge to experience a Miss Favela party, again we know he expected us all to be "so like ridic" and "organic" but sometimes believe it or not, we're into some culture and Miss Favela is a great spot to soak up some Brazilian dance time at their well-known daytime parties. Hey guy, I dare you to go here and not dance.

Note: NYTimes giving credit where credits due to Miss Favela back in 2008.

18. Grab a late night slice at Anna Maria on Bedford AVENUE

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The fact this guy didn't even get Bedford Avenue right is enough to tell you he clearly did all his homework, researched and studied what he was writing about, fact checked and read through 100 times before posting. While on "Bedford Street" though he forgot to grab a late night slice at Anna Maria before retiring for the night. The first night I arrived in Williamsburg, before I even lived here, I was promptly taken to Anna Maria where I enjoyed my first slice of Brooklyn late night heaven. We know you went to Roberta's but hey, wait, did you even tell us how good the food is? Because Roberta's is damn good, doesn't matter what their entrance looks like guy.

Note: Back in 2006 Anna Maria was cool enough for the NYTimes with their "Next Please" way of doing business but apparently that was then and this guy, yet again, missed the memo.

19. Visit East River State Park for the Best Views in all of NYC oh and Smorgasburg

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So I realize the best views in all of NYC is debatable, Brooklyn Bridge Park has definitely built something amazing downtown but no one can deny East River State Park has got some great waterfront digs. Plus now you can take the Ferry from Williamsburg to Greenpoint, so guy, you "obvi" should have boarded your "fixie" on the ferry and headed north to Greenpoint after scoping the views. PLUS it looks like your little adventure took place on opening weekend of Smorgasburg, I'm not too big of a fan of the crowded market but c'mon, someone HAD to have told you.

Note: This photo isn't from the NYTimes but look how romantic and beautiful it is anyway. That could have been you and your boyfriend guy, boy do you feel silly now.

Anyway, here's a review from the NYTimes of Smorgasburg, seems like Oliver Strand liked it and the chick in the main photo DEFINITELY is loving her life.

http://www.nytimes.com/restaurants/1248069042996/smorgasburg/details.html

20. Ride on the L Train

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It's true most of us prefer to ride our bikes but we also have love for our L train. Sure it's overcrowded during rush hour and we were the last ones to get our service back after Sandy but we're 15 min from Union Square and our subway is clean compared to the others and filled with plenty of flannel, beanie and bearded eye candy to keep you entertained. This guy didn't even bother to mention the one thing that defines our daily routine and that is, we all ride the L train to work.

I realize some take the JMZ and some of us just ride down the block since we work in the neighborhood, but, even still at some point you know you're riding the L if you live in Williamsburg. You also all know how difficult life was back in November when the L train was down for way too long, it made even the haters long for the L.

Note: In 2010 NYTimes was recognizing the L for Love Train, call it a hipster hotbed but a spot where people fall in love? I'll take it.