You spent months living in Paris and after your inevitable homecoming, you were ready. At first being able to openly wear sweatpants and having access to reasonably priced peanut butter and iced water felt prettttty good. Once that feeling of “I’m home!” wore off, you realized that, for better or worse, Paris had changed you.
1. Screw recycling bins. Empty wine bottles are now known as “carafe d’eau.”
2. Wearing lipstick is no longer an option — it’s a necessity.
4. Those annoying, impossible-to-fold maps finally have a purpose: being the centerpiece of your wall decor.
The Breakfast Club poster? Puh-lease.
7. You notice that an unacceptable number of men dress like shit.
9. Many Americans become comparable to zoo animals.
12. And so you drain all color from your closet. Et voila, instant chic.
13. You forget about that whole cigarettes-cause-cancer thing.
Uhhhh, wait, nope. Still gross.
14. Still not understanding how French people can consume the same amount of calories as us, and stay model-thin.
15. You curse all Porta-Potties while dreaming of these.
Self-cleaning never felt so good.